Know Your Worth: Don't Be Afraid to Set Standards

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I promised myself that I would stop posting memes on Instagram. I had to, I was a serial meme poster, I posted about 2-3 memes per day. And then I got sick of myself so I said I would not post another meme (I hope I'm using this word correctly, meme as in the image above). Well that was until I saw this image. I felt the message in this image spoke to a big issue I see in the relationships we have today and not only did I feel that need to repost it, I felt I had to talk about it.

First and foremost let me address the languaging in this image, from here on out can we agree to ignore the man/woman in the image? We all know that this can go either way, I don't want to blame/shame a specific gender.

Now that that's out of the way let's break down the meat of this post and how it relates to this "Know Your Worth" series. One big, gaping, hole in relationships today are standards. Merriam Webster defines the word standard as: 1) "A level of quality or achievement" and 2)  "Something that is very good and that is used to make  judgements  about other things." A standard is a desired outcome, an expectation. When you have standards in relationships, you have expectations and you are not willing to settle for anything less than what you expect. Some common standards that I see are: "No sex until marriage" or "No sex until we are in a committed relationship,"We have to go on dates," "Our anniversary is important and must be remembered," ect., ect. These standards create the guidelines by which we govern our relationships; so without the standard what are left with? A big puddle of mess!

The image highlights one standard that has been lost in today's generation: Fidelity. People are not setting standards for fidelity and commitment in their relationship. Now don't misunderstand me; there are some people whose standard for fidelity is that infidelity is acceptable. Not that I agree with this standard, but it is one. I am specifically speaking about are two things 1) People who never set the standard, and 2) People who set the standard but never communicate it to their significant other. This leaves people feeling hurt, alone, and betrayed when they experience cheating but what people fail to realize it that you have to set the standard before you can expect it to be met.

From my perspective a lot of people don't set standards in relationships because they are afraid. Some people desperately want to be in a relationship and they fear that setting a standard will eliminate their options leaving them all alone. Some people have their eye on "The One" or are already in a relationship with someone they think is "The One." These people fear that they will lose that special person because they won't be down for a relationship with boundaries and standards. Other people fear being ridiculed by their peers and so they follow the trends to fit in. In all of these situations the negative relational cycles are being perpetuated to no end. In order to stop these cycles a standard needs to be set and people need to hold each other accountable for how they behave in relationships.

People who doubt their worth struggle to set standards and boundaries in relationships with others. They feel that they are not good enough to place those kind of expectations on others. They take it personally when they lose relationships as a result of setting standards. They think the loss is a reflection of something negative inside of them. Let's end that today. Each and every person in this world has worth and they have the right to put expectations on the people who they engage with. In the same token others have the right to decline to abide by your set standards. Understand that a rejection of standards is not a reflection of the person who set them, it exposes a flaw in either the person rejecting or the relationship in itself. Maybe the relationship isn't as strong as you thought. Maybe the relationship isn't worth it to that person. Setting standards weeds out the weak people and relationships making room for strong and healthy ones. Setting standards gets rid of people who don't recognize your worth and opens the door for the ones who will see it and honor it. 

I used fidelity and cheating as an example for the sake of this post but understand that setting standards applies to so many facets of relationships. From time, to money, to communication and many others.Also, it doesn't apply simply to romantic relationships, but to any relationship you find yourself in. Setting standards creates structure, it allows you to communicate your needs and wants to the other person. It helps you hold them accountable for how they treat you and it highlights whether they are capable of being the person you deserve in the relationship.

This is just my perspective on setting standards in relationships. What do you think? Am I out of my mind or right on target? Do you set standards in your relationships? How? And how does that work for you? I want to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment below. Thank for stopping by, hope you make it back again.

"Let us be sensitive about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and decade worth looking forward to."~ Greg Anderson