Weight Loss: It's More Than Just the Lbs- You Are How You Eat

The initial set of posts in this series focused on what I like to call "pre-weight loss," sometimes there are internal issues that we need to take care of before we even begin to think about losing a pound. If you missed that section of posts you can revisit it here, the next sections of posts will focus on lifestyle changes that I made that resulted in improved health and weight loss. 

You Are How You Eat!

Many people are continuously trying to lose weight but are not seeing any results. That's because many of us have horrible and counterproductive eating habits. Let's examine a few of them and identify the proper way we should be eating.

1.Skipping Meals

This is a big, huge NO-NO if you're trying to lose weight. Some people think "If I eat less, I lose weight," others simply become busy and don't make time to eat while others don't get hungry as often as they should. Whatever the case may be, if you are trying to lose some lbs, you're going to have to eat. When you don't eat frequently enough your body gets the idea that it should go into starvation mode. Starvation mode is a protective measure that our body takes to combat starvation. This results in the body conserving fat and calories instead of burning them as it usually does. 

You may also notice that there are some people who can eat all that they want and still remain "skinny." That's because they have a metabolism that works quickly to burn off the calories that they consume. Not all of us are fortunate to have this quick metabolism but one thing that can help speed up your metabolism is eating smaller portions more frequently during the day. I went from eating 2 meals per day to eating 4-5 meals (3 main meals and 2 snacks) One thing that helped me was scheduling my meals. I know this sounds anal but I know when I'm supposed to eat, so hungry or not, I get my meals in. And my meals are planned for each day so even when my day is jam packed I have already set aside time so that I can get in my required meals. For those who don't get hungry throughout the day, getting on a schedule will help you to train your body and soon you will naturally get hungry when you're supposed to.

2. We Eat the Wrong Size Meals

The picture at the top of this post is an illustration of how your body can look based on how you eat. In this country, we often skip breakfast, we may or may not eat lunch, and then we have a huge dinner right before we go to bed. This is an extremely unhealthy way to eat. It is important to start the day with a good breakfast filled with healthy fats and calories. This is the first meal of the day and gives energy to help sustain us through the various tasks we have to complete. Next is lunch which should still be a good amount of food. Lunch plays an equal role in giving us energy for the day. DINNER SHOULD BE THE SMALLEST MEAL OF THE DAY. Re-read this 3 times. By the time you eat dinner you are done most of your physical activity for the day. You won't be walking, running, or moving...you'll be sleeping. You don't need to build your energy and you don't want to fill your body with calories and fat that won't be burned off as efficiently as those you consumed earlier in the day. Bonus Point: If you really want to lose weight don't eat within three hours of going to bed. That means if you go to bed at 12AM, you should not eat anything after 9PM, and so on. 

3. We Eat the Wrong Portions of Food

In America we consume too much food, point blank. Our potions our way too big which leaves us consuming way more calories than we are able to burn in a day. This chart from guardyourhealth.com shows how we can use our hand to measure how much food we should be consuming. Most people's initial reactions are "I'm going to need to eat more than that." You're right! At this point in time your body is used to consuming a certain amount of calories and will feel unsatisfied if that amount is significantly reduced. But, losing weight is not just about going down a few numbers on a scale; it's about creating discipline. Initially you may feel hungry and like you need to eat more, but we are training our bodies to consume what they need not what they want. As you train your body it will fall in line with the new, disciplined way of eating that causes it to look and feel better. 

How are your eating habits? Do you think it's too hard to change these habits? Do you think it's worth it? These are just my thoughts based on my experiences but I'm eager to hear from you. What are your experiences? What do you think?

"No discipline is enjoyable while it's happening. It's painful! But afterwards there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way"~Hebrews 12:11 ESV

"I don't find it a struggle to maintain a healthy diet now as my palate has changed. I don't crave rich foods"~ Jennifer Ellison

Are You A Reactor or A Responder?

Source: Dailycaring.com

It's 8:00AM, your alarm was supposed to go off at 7:30, it never did. You put your clothes in the dryer last night but never pressed start. On your way to work someone cuts you off, almost causing an accident. When you get to work the one co-worker who always cracks jokes says something to tick you off even more. You give them the death stare and open your mouth to respond.  

Everyday life happens to us; the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I was in grad school I had an awesome supervisor (shameless plug), Jay Lappin, and he taught us the following equation: E+R=O. In this equation the E stands for an event, R stands for the Response, and the O stands for the Outcome. The Event is what happens to us. The sequence above gives examples of events. The Response is how we handle the event when it happens. The Outcome is the end result. In this equation we can't control the Event but we can control the Response which then impacts the Outcome. The question is are you a Reactor or a Responder?

A Reactor gives an immediate emotional reaction to the content of the Event. Many of use have a natural, internal reactions to the things that we experience in our lives. Both the big issues and the tiny incidents elicit an emotion, a thought, a feeling. Reactors allow the naturally occurring, internal thoughts to freely come out without a filter. Reactors don't give thought to how their words and actions will impact the Outcome, they only think about how the Event is weighing on them. A Reactor in the example above feels frustrated and annoyed and these feelings are being intensified by the co-worker. A Reactor then goes in on the co-worker; yelling, screaming, cursing, or insulting them. After the dust settles, the Reactor usually regrets their reaction. They feel guilty, sorry, embarrassed, ect. The result is an undesired Outcome; the Reactor usually has to pick up broken pieces and fix things as a result of their reaction. 

Responders, like Reactors, have internal emotional responses to their Events. Unlike Reactors, Responders don't automatically act on their internal thoughts and feelings. Instead, Responders take time to process what they are experiencing and how they are feeling. This processing could take 30 seconds, minutes, or hours. A Responder understands that their Response impacts their Outcome and they don't want an Outcome that they will regret, or that will cause them even greater problems. In the above example a Responder would take a moment to validate their feelings of frustration and impatience. They would identify the various things that have happened throughout the morning that led to these feelings. This brief assessment leads to the conclusion that although the co-worker may be annoying, they are no different than they are on any other day. And every other day the Responder laughs along with the co-worker or rolls their eyes. The Responder comes to the conclusion that the co-worker is not intentionally trying to frustrate the co-worker and therefore does not deserve to be the container for their frustration. Instead the Responder explains that they are having a bad day, walks away to be  by themselves, or takes some time and later addresses the co-workers "annoying" behaviors in an appropriate and emotionally healthy way. Giving clear thought about how to respond doesn't undo the Even but the Responder can walk away knowing that they did everything they could to create the desired Outcome.

It is not easy to be a Responder instead of a Reactor, especially if you're used to responding instantly based off of feelings. It takes time to change thoughts and slow yourself down enough so that you avoid making the immediate reaction. But, in the end it is worth it. Instead of having to go back and fix things, you know that you did your best to appropriately handle the situation. Imagine how different things would be in the world if more people would be Responders instead of Reactors.

Are you a Responder or a Reactor? Do you think that it's better to respond or react. How would things be different if more people were Responders? This is just how I see things but I'm eager to hear how you view this issue. Thanks for stopping by and be sure to share your thoughts below.

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."~ The Bible, James 1:19, English Standard Version

Know Your Worth: Don't Be Afraid to Set Standards

Source: Unknown

I promised myself that I would stop posting memes on Instagram. I had to, I was a serial meme poster, I posted about 2-3 memes per day. And then I got sick of myself so I said I would not post another meme (I hope I'm using this word correctly, meme as in the image above). Well that was until I saw this image. I felt the message in this image spoke to a big issue I see in the relationships we have today and not only did I feel that need to repost it, I felt I had to talk about it.

First and foremost let me address the languaging in this image, from here on out can we agree to ignore the man/woman in the image? We all know that this can go either way, I don't want to blame/shame a specific gender.

Now that that's out of the way let's break down the meat of this post and how it relates to this "Know Your Worth" series. One big, gaping, hole in relationships today are standards. Merriam Webster defines the word standard as: 1) "A level of quality or achievement" and 2)  "Something that is very good and that is used to make  judgements  about other things." A standard is a desired outcome, an expectation. When you have standards in relationships, you have expectations and you are not willing to settle for anything less than what you expect. Some common standards that I see are: "No sex until marriage" or "No sex until we are in a committed relationship,"We have to go on dates," "Our anniversary is important and must be remembered," ect., ect. These standards create the guidelines by which we govern our relationships; so without the standard what are left with? A big puddle of mess!

The image highlights one standard that has been lost in today's generation: Fidelity. People are not setting standards for fidelity and commitment in their relationship. Now don't misunderstand me; there are some people whose standard for fidelity is that infidelity is acceptable. Not that I agree with this standard, but it is one. I am specifically speaking about are two things 1) People who never set the standard, and 2) People who set the standard but never communicate it to their significant other. This leaves people feeling hurt, alone, and betrayed when they experience cheating but what people fail to realize it that you have to set the standard before you can expect it to be met.

From my perspective a lot of people don't set standards in relationships because they are afraid. Some people desperately want to be in a relationship and they fear that setting a standard will eliminate their options leaving them all alone. Some people have their eye on "The One" or are already in a relationship with someone they think is "The One." These people fear that they will lose that special person because they won't be down for a relationship with boundaries and standards. Other people fear being ridiculed by their peers and so they follow the trends to fit in. In all of these situations the negative relational cycles are being perpetuated to no end. In order to stop these cycles a standard needs to be set and people need to hold each other accountable for how they behave in relationships.

People who doubt their worth struggle to set standards and boundaries in relationships with others. They feel that they are not good enough to place those kind of expectations on others. They take it personally when they lose relationships as a result of setting standards. They think the loss is a reflection of something negative inside of them. Let's end that today. Each and every person in this world has worth and they have the right to put expectations on the people who they engage with. In the same token others have the right to decline to abide by your set standards. Understand that a rejection of standards is not a reflection of the person who set them, it exposes a flaw in either the person rejecting or the relationship in itself. Maybe the relationship isn't as strong as you thought. Maybe the relationship isn't worth it to that person. Setting standards weeds out the weak people and relationships making room for strong and healthy ones. Setting standards gets rid of people who don't recognize your worth and opens the door for the ones who will see it and honor it. 

I used fidelity and cheating as an example for the sake of this post but understand that setting standards applies to so many facets of relationships. From time, to money, to communication and many others.Also, it doesn't apply simply to romantic relationships, but to any relationship you find yourself in. Setting standards creates structure, it allows you to communicate your needs and wants to the other person. It helps you hold them accountable for how they treat you and it highlights whether they are capable of being the person you deserve in the relationship.

This is just my perspective on setting standards in relationships. What do you think? Am I out of my mind or right on target? Do you set standards in your relationships? How? And how does that work for you? I want to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment below. Thank for stopping by, hope you make it back again.

"Let us be sensitive about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and decade worth looking forward to."~ Greg Anderson

Know Your Worth: I Challenge You!

Developing a healthy sense of self worth is no easy task. It's not like you go to bed one night and wake up owning your worth. A healthy sense of self worth is something that has to be worked at, cultivated, and developed. It takes work. Over time you (or others) have taught you that you are not good enough, that you are less than. This was not something that happened because of one incident or circumstance. Over time you were exposed to situations that confirmed the negative message that maintained your negative sense of self. I am going to give some suggestions of things that you can do to undo that work and change the way you view yourself. With this consistency is key. Remember, you are training your brain to think differently and therefore when there is a lapse you set yourself back and instead of building from where you left off you have to re-do work that you've already done. Also, you are changing your brain and the way you think, it won't happen over night; but, if you make an honest effort you will begin to notice change. Don't believe me just watch! I challenge you!

1. Make A List

• Right now you don't see yourself as worthy because of how you view yourself. You view yourself through your faults, your difficulties, your weaknesses (which we all have by the way). So this is what you need to do, get a piece of paper and pen and list all your positives, everything good about you. From the way you look, to your personality and your accomplishments; make a list as long as you can that brags about you. If you are having trouble making a list, talk to some people (GOOD PEOPLE) and ask them what are some positives about you. Think back on the things that people have said about you over time. Things like "You have a nice smile," "You're intelligent," "You think well on your feet," ect. Spend a good amount of time on your list. Put your list up somewhere where you can see it on a daily basis (Examples: On your refrigerator, next to your mirror, on your nightstand) and let it serve as a constant reminder that you are worth it!
• Take It A Step Further: I hope your list is nice and long. Take things a step further by choosing the top five things on your list and write them on an index card. Carry this index card with you and whenever you feel your worth depleting, whenever someone tries to rob you of your worth, whenever you stop believing the positive and start harping on the negatives; take a look at that card and remember your worth!

2. Say It

• Don't just talk about it be about it. Remember when I said we are changing the way we think, one way to speed up the process is to speak the truths we are teaching ourselves to accept. For this task you need to identify one or multiple mantras. A mantra is simply a statement that you repeat over and over. You can either look up mantras (google is your friend) or create your own, but they should speak to your worth. For example, the most obvious mantra is "I am worth it." But you can also choose specific mantras like "I am beautiful," "I deserve the best that life has to offer," "I can do this," ect., ect. You can pick one mantra or several but everyday you say this mantra at least once. It's best to do it first thing in the morning to motivate you for the rest of the day. You can say the mantra once or as many times as you want. You can say one mantra or multiple. Get creative, it's your journey. I firmly believe in this practice. I believe that words have the power and we can literally speak life or death. I believe that by speaking positivity and hope each morning you have the ability to impact the remainder of your day.

3.Know Your Bullies

• So, our first step was to identify our positives, and just as it's important to know our positives it's also important to know our negatives as well. Negatives in this sense being the messages that contribute to our low sense of self worth. This will be unique for each and every one of us; it can be related to our appearance, personality, or ability to achieve. Think about all the times you feel worthless, useless, and unsuccessful and what was happening at that time. Is there a specific person that makes you feel that way? Do you feel worthless in class or at work? In a relationship? Once you identify those specific situations or thoughts that contribute to the negative feelings now we can challenge them. As you enter into those situations, encounter those people, start reflecting on your positive messages; start reciting your mantras, pull out your Top 5 index card. In order to train your brain to think differently you have to act almost instantaneously, at least at first. Once this becomes the norm you won't need the index card, your brain will automatically jump in on its own and shut the negative messages down. But, it takes practice at first, it takes work to overcome your present way of thinking.

4.Cut It Out

•  Sometimes we send ourselves the negative messages that decrease our sense of self worth but oftentimes those messages come from other places as well. I will go into greater depth about this in another post but some examples are other people, the music we listen to, the shows we watch and the celebrities we follow. Once we identify these sources we need to get rid of them. It's hard and sometimes impossible to completely cut people out of our lives but if someone's words and actions are detrimental to our sense of self worth we need to significantly reduce the time we spend with them. Stop watching certain shows or going certain places. It's hard at first but remember, we are re-wiring out brains and overtime the sacrifices we make will be appreciated as we begin to see ourselves as worth it!

I challenge you to put these suggestions to the test. Give an honest effort for at least 6 months and see if you notice any change in yourself, the way you think and feel. I bet you won't be the only one who notices the change, I bet those around you will see it too!

"If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find that you are ready for greater challenges" ~ Pat Riley