Know Your Worth: I Challenge You!

Developing a healthy sense of self worth is no easy task. It's not like you go to bed one night and wake up owning your worth. A healthy sense of self worth is something that has to be worked at, cultivated, and developed. It takes work. Over time you (or others) have taught you that you are not good enough, that you are less than. This was not something that happened because of one incident or circumstance. Over time you were exposed to situations that confirmed the negative message that maintained your negative sense of self. I am going to give some suggestions of things that you can do to undo that work and change the way you view yourself. With this consistency is key. Remember, you are training your brain to think differently and therefore when there is a lapse you set yourself back and instead of building from where you left off you have to re-do work that you've already done. Also, you are changing your brain and the way you think, it won't happen over night; but, if you make an honest effort you will begin to notice change. Don't believe me just watch! I challenge you!

1. Make A List

• Right now you don't see yourself as worthy because of how you view yourself. You view yourself through your faults, your difficulties, your weaknesses (which we all have by the way). So this is what you need to do, get a piece of paper and pen and list all your positives, everything good about you. From the way you look, to your personality and your accomplishments; make a list as long as you can that brags about you. If you are having trouble making a list, talk to some people (GOOD PEOPLE) and ask them what are some positives about you. Think back on the things that people have said about you over time. Things like "You have a nice smile," "You're intelligent," "You think well on your feet," ect. Spend a good amount of time on your list. Put your list up somewhere where you can see it on a daily basis (Examples: On your refrigerator, next to your mirror, on your nightstand) and let it serve as a constant reminder that you are worth it!
• Take It A Step Further: I hope your list is nice and long. Take things a step further by choosing the top five things on your list and write them on an index card. Carry this index card with you and whenever you feel your worth depleting, whenever someone tries to rob you of your worth, whenever you stop believing the positive and start harping on the negatives; take a look at that card and remember your worth!

2. Say It

• Don't just talk about it be about it. Remember when I said we are changing the way we think, one way to speed up the process is to speak the truths we are teaching ourselves to accept. For this task you need to identify one or multiple mantras. A mantra is simply a statement that you repeat over and over. You can either look up mantras (google is your friend) or create your own, but they should speak to your worth. For example, the most obvious mantra is "I am worth it." But you can also choose specific mantras like "I am beautiful," "I deserve the best that life has to offer," "I can do this," ect., ect. You can pick one mantra or several but everyday you say this mantra at least once. It's best to do it first thing in the morning to motivate you for the rest of the day. You can say the mantra once or as many times as you want. You can say one mantra or multiple. Get creative, it's your journey. I firmly believe in this practice. I believe that words have the power and we can literally speak life or death. I believe that by speaking positivity and hope each morning you have the ability to impact the remainder of your day.

3.Know Your Bullies

• So, our first step was to identify our positives, and just as it's important to know our positives it's also important to know our negatives as well. Negatives in this sense being the messages that contribute to our low sense of self worth. This will be unique for each and every one of us; it can be related to our appearance, personality, or ability to achieve. Think about all the times you feel worthless, useless, and unsuccessful and what was happening at that time. Is there a specific person that makes you feel that way? Do you feel worthless in class or at work? In a relationship? Once you identify those specific situations or thoughts that contribute to the negative feelings now we can challenge them. As you enter into those situations, encounter those people, start reflecting on your positive messages; start reciting your mantras, pull out your Top 5 index card. In order to train your brain to think differently you have to act almost instantaneously, at least at first. Once this becomes the norm you won't need the index card, your brain will automatically jump in on its own and shut the negative messages down. But, it takes practice at first, it takes work to overcome your present way of thinking.

4.Cut It Out

•  Sometimes we send ourselves the negative messages that decrease our sense of self worth but oftentimes those messages come from other places as well. I will go into greater depth about this in another post but some examples are other people, the music we listen to, the shows we watch and the celebrities we follow. Once we identify these sources we need to get rid of them. It's hard and sometimes impossible to completely cut people out of our lives but if someone's words and actions are detrimental to our sense of self worth we need to significantly reduce the time we spend with them. Stop watching certain shows or going certain places. It's hard at first but remember, we are re-wiring out brains and overtime the sacrifices we make will be appreciated as we begin to see ourselves as worth it!

I challenge you to put these suggestions to the test. Give an honest effort for at least 6 months and see if you notice any change in yourself, the way you think and feel. I bet you won't be the only one who notices the change, I bet those around you will see it too!

"If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find that you are ready for greater challenges" ~ Pat Riley

2016 Goals: Make A Vision Board

A vision board is a visual representation of your goals in a collage form. It's something you can look at every day to remind you of the things that you are working towards. It is also something that you can look back on at the end of the year and measure your progress. Or you can look back at unachieved goals and identify barriers, road blocks, or changes that left those goals unfulfilled. What I love best about vision boards is that they are unique and creative and no two look the same even if two people have similar goals. I am a creative person, I love doing artsy-type projects. The more glitter, ribbon, and flair the better! But even if you are not creative or "flashy" you can still make a vision board that reflects your goals. 

Making A Vision Board

1. Gather Your Supplies

The first things you're going to want to do is get together the things you need for your vision board. It can be as much or as little as you want. But here are some basics:

• Poster Board
• Scissors
• Magazines
• Glue/Tape
• Markers

If you want to take it up a step here are some other things you can use

• Ribbon
• Tool
• Stickers
• Glitter
• Stick on letters
• Decorative Tape
• Hot Glue Gun

And I'm sure there are even more you can think of.  

2. Identify Your Goals

You can go through your magazines and haphazardly become inspired by the pictures but I think it's better to have an idea of what direction you want to go in before you start looking. The idea can be as general or specific as you want. For example you can say "I want to be healthier" or "I want to lose 15 pounds." Once you have an idea of the goal(s) you want to display on your vision board you can move on to the next step.
3. Look for Pictures
Now that you know the direction you're going in you can start to look for pictures that represent those goals. Notice I said represent. The pictures you select don't have to literally and word for word match your goals; what is most important is the meaning that they have to you. For example, on my vision board above there is a picture of a beautiful natural haired woman that I pulled from an ad for hair products (that picture actually got cut off of the picture above-sorry). To me that picture doesn't represent me wearing my hair natural, it represents me being comfortable in who God made me to be, naturally. Every picture is subject to interpretation but it's your vision board and all that matters is that you know what each image means to you.
4. Putting It All Together
This is the fun part! Taking all of your pictures and all of your supplies and creating your masterpiece. It can be a simple or as intricate as you want it to be. You can randomly stick the pictures on or you can plan out your layout. In my vision board I broke my goals into four specific categories and grouped my pictures in those categories. FUN FACT: One of my goals was to create a blog! 
5. Display It
This may be the most important step of them all. Once your vision board is completed you want to hang it up somewhere where you can see it every day. I think the best place to hang it is in your bedroom so that when you wake up you can look at it. If you do morning devotion you may want to put it in the space where you do that or you may want to put it by your mirror so that you can look at it while you get ready to start your day. Over time the images will be burned into your brain so that even when you aren't looking at your vision board you will be reflecting on your goals.

Make it fun!!!
Have a vision board party. Invite your girlfriends over and have the supplies laying out, play some music, and get to work. Or incorporate making a vision board into your end of the year holiday family festivities. Newlyweds can make a vision board to identify goals for their new life together. Families can also create a collaborative vision board for the household. Creating vision boards is a great activity for groups of teens and can be very helpful for new businesses. There are also websites that can help you create digital vision boards. 

I am a strong believer in the power of visualization. Having something you can look at every day is a big motivator to help you achieve your goals. AND once you've looked at your board for a while you don't even have to see it to remember your goals. Case and Point: When I moved it was hard to get my vision board to stick to my walls but I had looked at it so much I didn't even need to see the actual product to know what was on it. 

Are you planning on doing a vision board for 2016? How do maintain the goals set on January 1st  throughout the year? Leave a comment and let me know and Happy New Year to everyone.

"Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he who reads it may run. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but it speaks of the end, and does not lie. If it delays, wait for it; it surely will come , it will not delay" Habakkuk 2:2-3  (MEV)   

New Year New Me

"New Year, New Me"

Okay,Okay, I can sense the collective groan that everyone has after reading the title. Weeks before the new year hits everyone flocks to social media to inform everyone of their plans to make a complete 360 (really 180 but I digress) once the clock strikes 12:00AM.  But, by January 2nd everyone has lost the motivation and the phrase "New Year, New Me" has lost all of it's value. So how do we reclaim the phrase or the idea that we are completely capable of making the long lasting changes that we want in life? By doing what we set out to do in the first place. I know, I know, it's easier said than done. But as someone who has failed miserably AND succeeded wonderfully at making life changes allow me to share two tips for achieving the goals that we set for ourselves.

Remember, it doesn't matter when you start or how many times you fall off track, you're striving for completion not perfection. One of the things that bothers me the most about how people set goals is their decision to set a start date i.e. "The beginning of next month" or "In the New Year." Setting our start dates in this way limits us and allows us to push our goals back more and more. Once the next month hits we push it back another month. Reality: the minute you decide you want to make a change in your life you are capable of beginning that journey. If you're goal is to loose 20 pounds you can sit down that day and figure out  your plan of action. If you want to save money you can look at your spending and determine where you can start cutting back, immediately. We often set these far away start dates and then...well you know what they say "Out of sight out of mind." Whether you have the vision for change in on February 12th, December 28th, or January 17th, don't limit your self to the "New Year," get started ASAP. And be aware that you will not be perfect, things will not always go the way you planned. BUT, remember that no matter how many times you mess up you are always capable of getting started again. And if you happen to take a detour, you don't have to wait until the first of the month (or year) to get going again. Just like you don't have to push back your start date you don't have to push back your re-start date either.

  "Never put off for tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well"~ Mark Twain

Keep in mind that true strength doesn't come in one's ability to stand alone but instead in the acceptance of our flaws and our courage to reach out for support in the areas where we fall short. As I type these thoughts of mine I recognize that this is such a huge pill to swallow. I myself struggle with being vulnerable enough to admit that I am incapable of doing EVERYTHING myself. Instead of accepting a helping hand I would rather flail about and fail on my own. If this is my experience I'm sure that this is many other's experience as well. Reality: we all need help! As we set these goals for ourselves we have to seek out networks of support that can encourage us, hold us accountable, and achieve goals with us. Now identifying these supports is a daunting task. We all have those people in our lives who look like our cheerleaders but are only out opponents in disguise. Those who cheer us on while secretly concocting a plan to knock us down. Then there are those who are all for starting the journey with us and then at some point we look around and realize they have disappeared. Or what about when we finally decide that we want to achieve a goal and we get so excited about our new journey but no one else is on board. I get it, finding a good support system is tough. But there are ways to weed out those undesirables before they leave us standing alone. There is nothing wrong with "interviewing" your supports to make sure they're in it for the long haul and just as excited for your success as you are. And, with the help of the internet, social networks, and phone apps, we can seek out interest and support groups who are working towards the same things we are. Also, remember that just as we need support to reach our goals, there are others who are looking for support to reach theirs. Sometimes if we can be that support to others we will unintentionally find the support we need. At the end of the day, if achieving our goals is that important to us we will take the time to make sure we have  a team that can help us get to the finish line. 

"I am because we are"~ Africa Proverb

I hope that these two tips are beneficial as you enter the New Year with new goals and hopes for yourself. What has been helpful for you in reaching your goals in the past? What are some of your goals for 2015? Thank you for taking the time to stop by, questions, comments, all of the above...share it below. If this was helpful share it with a friend and I'll see you in the next post.