Weight Loss: It's More Than Just the Lbs- You Are How You Eat

The initial set of posts in this series focused on what I like to call "pre-weight loss," sometimes there are internal issues that we need to take care of before we even begin to think about losing a pound. If you missed that section of posts you can revisit it here, the next sections of posts will focus on lifestyle changes that I made that resulted in improved health and weight loss. 

You Are How You Eat!

Many people are continuously trying to lose weight but are not seeing any results. That's because many of us have horrible and counterproductive eating habits. Let's examine a few of them and identify the proper way we should be eating.

1.Skipping Meals

This is a big, huge NO-NO if you're trying to lose weight. Some people think "If I eat less, I lose weight," others simply become busy and don't make time to eat while others don't get hungry as often as they should. Whatever the case may be, if you are trying to lose some lbs, you're going to have to eat. When you don't eat frequently enough your body gets the idea that it should go into starvation mode. Starvation mode is a protective measure that our body takes to combat starvation. This results in the body conserving fat and calories instead of burning them as it usually does. 

You may also notice that there are some people who can eat all that they want and still remain "skinny." That's because they have a metabolism that works quickly to burn off the calories that they consume. Not all of us are fortunate to have this quick metabolism but one thing that can help speed up your metabolism is eating smaller portions more frequently during the day. I went from eating 2 meals per day to eating 4-5 meals (3 main meals and 2 snacks) One thing that helped me was scheduling my meals. I know this sounds anal but I know when I'm supposed to eat, so hungry or not, I get my meals in. And my meals are planned for each day so even when my day is jam packed I have already set aside time so that I can get in my required meals. For those who don't get hungry throughout the day, getting on a schedule will help you to train your body and soon you will naturally get hungry when you're supposed to.

2. We Eat the Wrong Size Meals

The picture at the top of this post is an illustration of how your body can look based on how you eat. In this country, we often skip breakfast, we may or may not eat lunch, and then we have a huge dinner right before we go to bed. This is an extremely unhealthy way to eat. It is important to start the day with a good breakfast filled with healthy fats and calories. This is the first meal of the day and gives energy to help sustain us through the various tasks we have to complete. Next is lunch which should still be a good amount of food. Lunch plays an equal role in giving us energy for the day. DINNER SHOULD BE THE SMALLEST MEAL OF THE DAY. Re-read this 3 times. By the time you eat dinner you are done most of your physical activity for the day. You won't be walking, running, or moving...you'll be sleeping. You don't need to build your energy and you don't want to fill your body with calories and fat that won't be burned off as efficiently as those you consumed earlier in the day. Bonus Point: If you really want to lose weight don't eat within three hours of going to bed. That means if you go to bed at 12AM, you should not eat anything after 9PM, and so on. 

3. We Eat the Wrong Portions of Food

In America we consume too much food, point blank. Our potions our way too big which leaves us consuming way more calories than we are able to burn in a day. This chart from guardyourhealth.com shows how we can use our hand to measure how much food we should be consuming. Most people's initial reactions are "I'm going to need to eat more than that." You're right! At this point in time your body is used to consuming a certain amount of calories and will feel unsatisfied if that amount is significantly reduced. But, losing weight is not just about going down a few numbers on a scale; it's about creating discipline. Initially you may feel hungry and like you need to eat more, but we are training our bodies to consume what they need not what they want. As you train your body it will fall in line with the new, disciplined way of eating that causes it to look and feel better. 

How are your eating habits? Do you think it's too hard to change these habits? Do you think it's worth it? These are just my thoughts based on my experiences but I'm eager to hear from you. What are your experiences? What do you think?

"No discipline is enjoyable while it's happening. It's painful! But afterwards there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way"~Hebrews 12:11 ESV

"I don't find it a struggle to maintain a healthy diet now as my palate has changed. I don't crave rich foods"~ Jennifer Ellison

Know Your Worth: Don't Be Afraid to Set Standards

Source: Unknown

I promised myself that I would stop posting memes on Instagram. I had to, I was a serial meme poster, I posted about 2-3 memes per day. And then I got sick of myself so I said I would not post another meme (I hope I'm using this word correctly, meme as in the image above). Well that was until I saw this image. I felt the message in this image spoke to a big issue I see in the relationships we have today and not only did I feel that need to repost it, I felt I had to talk about it.

First and foremost let me address the languaging in this image, from here on out can we agree to ignore the man/woman in the image? We all know that this can go either way, I don't want to blame/shame a specific gender.

Now that that's out of the way let's break down the meat of this post and how it relates to this "Know Your Worth" series. One big, gaping, hole in relationships today are standards. Merriam Webster defines the word standard as: 1) "A level of quality or achievement" and 2)  "Something that is very good and that is used to make  judgements  about other things." A standard is a desired outcome, an expectation. When you have standards in relationships, you have expectations and you are not willing to settle for anything less than what you expect. Some common standards that I see are: "No sex until marriage" or "No sex until we are in a committed relationship,"We have to go on dates," "Our anniversary is important and must be remembered," ect., ect. These standards create the guidelines by which we govern our relationships; so without the standard what are left with? A big puddle of mess!

The image highlights one standard that has been lost in today's generation: Fidelity. People are not setting standards for fidelity and commitment in their relationship. Now don't misunderstand me; there are some people whose standard for fidelity is that infidelity is acceptable. Not that I agree with this standard, but it is one. I am specifically speaking about are two things 1) People who never set the standard, and 2) People who set the standard but never communicate it to their significant other. This leaves people feeling hurt, alone, and betrayed when they experience cheating but what people fail to realize it that you have to set the standard before you can expect it to be met.

From my perspective a lot of people don't set standards in relationships because they are afraid. Some people desperately want to be in a relationship and they fear that setting a standard will eliminate their options leaving them all alone. Some people have their eye on "The One" or are already in a relationship with someone they think is "The One." These people fear that they will lose that special person because they won't be down for a relationship with boundaries and standards. Other people fear being ridiculed by their peers and so they follow the trends to fit in. In all of these situations the negative relational cycles are being perpetuated to no end. In order to stop these cycles a standard needs to be set and people need to hold each other accountable for how they behave in relationships.

People who doubt their worth struggle to set standards and boundaries in relationships with others. They feel that they are not good enough to place those kind of expectations on others. They take it personally when they lose relationships as a result of setting standards. They think the loss is a reflection of something negative inside of them. Let's end that today. Each and every person in this world has worth and they have the right to put expectations on the people who they engage with. In the same token others have the right to decline to abide by your set standards. Understand that a rejection of standards is not a reflection of the person who set them, it exposes a flaw in either the person rejecting or the relationship in itself. Maybe the relationship isn't as strong as you thought. Maybe the relationship isn't worth it to that person. Setting standards weeds out the weak people and relationships making room for strong and healthy ones. Setting standards gets rid of people who don't recognize your worth and opens the door for the ones who will see it and honor it. 

I used fidelity and cheating as an example for the sake of this post but understand that setting standards applies to so many facets of relationships. From time, to money, to communication and many others.Also, it doesn't apply simply to romantic relationships, but to any relationship you find yourself in. Setting standards creates structure, it allows you to communicate your needs and wants to the other person. It helps you hold them accountable for how they treat you and it highlights whether they are capable of being the person you deserve in the relationship.

This is just my perspective on setting standards in relationships. What do you think? Am I out of my mind or right on target? Do you set standards in your relationships? How? And how does that work for you? I want to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment below. Thank for stopping by, hope you make it back again.

"Let us be sensitive about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and decade worth looking forward to."~ Greg Anderson

Know Your Worth: I Challenge You!

Developing a healthy sense of self worth is no easy task. It's not like you go to bed one night and wake up owning your worth. A healthy sense of self worth is something that has to be worked at, cultivated, and developed. It takes work. Over time you (or others) have taught you that you are not good enough, that you are less than. This was not something that happened because of one incident or circumstance. Over time you were exposed to situations that confirmed the negative message that maintained your negative sense of self. I am going to give some suggestions of things that you can do to undo that work and change the way you view yourself. With this consistency is key. Remember, you are training your brain to think differently and therefore when there is a lapse you set yourself back and instead of building from where you left off you have to re-do work that you've already done. Also, you are changing your brain and the way you think, it won't happen over night; but, if you make an honest effort you will begin to notice change. Don't believe me just watch! I challenge you!

1. Make A List

• Right now you don't see yourself as worthy because of how you view yourself. You view yourself through your faults, your difficulties, your weaknesses (which we all have by the way). So this is what you need to do, get a piece of paper and pen and list all your positives, everything good about you. From the way you look, to your personality and your accomplishments; make a list as long as you can that brags about you. If you are having trouble making a list, talk to some people (GOOD PEOPLE) and ask them what are some positives about you. Think back on the things that people have said about you over time. Things like "You have a nice smile," "You're intelligent," "You think well on your feet," ect. Spend a good amount of time on your list. Put your list up somewhere where you can see it on a daily basis (Examples: On your refrigerator, next to your mirror, on your nightstand) and let it serve as a constant reminder that you are worth it!
• Take It A Step Further: I hope your list is nice and long. Take things a step further by choosing the top five things on your list and write them on an index card. Carry this index card with you and whenever you feel your worth depleting, whenever someone tries to rob you of your worth, whenever you stop believing the positive and start harping on the negatives; take a look at that card and remember your worth!

2. Say It

• Don't just talk about it be about it. Remember when I said we are changing the way we think, one way to speed up the process is to speak the truths we are teaching ourselves to accept. For this task you need to identify one or multiple mantras. A mantra is simply a statement that you repeat over and over. You can either look up mantras (google is your friend) or create your own, but they should speak to your worth. For example, the most obvious mantra is "I am worth it." But you can also choose specific mantras like "I am beautiful," "I deserve the best that life has to offer," "I can do this," ect., ect. You can pick one mantra or several but everyday you say this mantra at least once. It's best to do it first thing in the morning to motivate you for the rest of the day. You can say the mantra once or as many times as you want. You can say one mantra or multiple. Get creative, it's your journey. I firmly believe in this practice. I believe that words have the power and we can literally speak life or death. I believe that by speaking positivity and hope each morning you have the ability to impact the remainder of your day.

3.Know Your Bullies

• So, our first step was to identify our positives, and just as it's important to know our positives it's also important to know our negatives as well. Negatives in this sense being the messages that contribute to our low sense of self worth. This will be unique for each and every one of us; it can be related to our appearance, personality, or ability to achieve. Think about all the times you feel worthless, useless, and unsuccessful and what was happening at that time. Is there a specific person that makes you feel that way? Do you feel worthless in class or at work? In a relationship? Once you identify those specific situations or thoughts that contribute to the negative feelings now we can challenge them. As you enter into those situations, encounter those people, start reflecting on your positive messages; start reciting your mantras, pull out your Top 5 index card. In order to train your brain to think differently you have to act almost instantaneously, at least at first. Once this becomes the norm you won't need the index card, your brain will automatically jump in on its own and shut the negative messages down. But, it takes practice at first, it takes work to overcome your present way of thinking.

4.Cut It Out

•  Sometimes we send ourselves the negative messages that decrease our sense of self worth but oftentimes those messages come from other places as well. I will go into greater depth about this in another post but some examples are other people, the music we listen to, the shows we watch and the celebrities we follow. Once we identify these sources we need to get rid of them. It's hard and sometimes impossible to completely cut people out of our lives but if someone's words and actions are detrimental to our sense of self worth we need to significantly reduce the time we spend with them. Stop watching certain shows or going certain places. It's hard at first but remember, we are re-wiring out brains and overtime the sacrifices we make will be appreciated as we begin to see ourselves as worth it!

I challenge you to put these suggestions to the test. Give an honest effort for at least 6 months and see if you notice any change in yourself, the way you think and feel. I bet you won't be the only one who notices the change, I bet those around you will see it too!

"If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find that you are ready for greater challenges" ~ Pat Riley

Know Your Worth: Know the Signs

Source: Dreamstime.com

The first step in creating positive self-worth is acknowledging that you have a low sense of self worth. For some the signs are obvious and dots are easy to connect, other signs don't point directly to self worth but they are still a burden to bear. Let's highlight some direct and indirect signs of low self worth.

Thinking Negatively About Self

• Every single one of us has faults, myself included, but we also have strengths as well. A healthy and well balanced person is aware of their strengths as well as their weaknesses and is always looking towards growth and forward progress. A person with low self worth is constantly criticizing themselves. In their eyes the negatives grossly outweigh the positives. They are their own worst critic. Instead of working to overcome their faults, they choose to swim in a pool of self pity and doubt. They are stuck in a mindset that they are no good and trapped in a pattern of self destruction.

In-congruence of Self

• What does this mean? Basically that the "you" that is presented to others doesn't match the true "you." This can be seen in character traits. For example, someone may present in public as rough, tough, and unbreakable but their true self is soft, caring, and emotional. The in-congruence can also be evident in the decisions that we make. For example, someone who always gives in to what others wants from them, even in times when it is appropriate for them to put themselves first. A person with low self worth is not confident in who they truly are so they become someone else in order to feel more confident, they become the person they feel is worthy when in actuality who they are is good enough.

Relationship Woes

• How many of use find ourselves in same relationship over and over again. I don't mean with the same person; what I'm referring to is we constantly find ourselves in the same situation constantly wondering how we got here...AGAIN! It's true that we attract what we project. If we feel low about ourselves, if we have a negative self worth, we will project that and others will pick up on it whether consciously or unconsciously. Oftentimes people with low self worth attract people who lack confidence and use the one with low self worth to validate themselves. This only adds to the negative cycle that strips you of your worthiness. If you find yourself constantly in bad relationships; it's possible that regardless of your experience, All Men and All Women are not    (Fill in the blank here)   . It is possible that it is time to stop looking outward an looking inside in order to create a different experience. 

Stuck in an Undesired Situation

• When you can recognize that you're at a place you don't want to be but never take any steps to move out of that place, it is possible that you have a low sense of self worth. Those with a low sense of self worth do not believe that they are deserving of the best that life has for them. They are content with settling for less that what they are worthy of. They become comfortable with what is mediocre instead of striving for what is excellent. They begin to unknowingly self-sabotage so that they can remain where they are. This may be a dead-end job, an unhealthy relationship, or just a failure to experience the best that life has to offer.

These are just a few indicators that point to a low sense of self worth. There are definitely others that can be added and of course, experiencing any one of these is not a direct indicator that one has a poor self worth. Signs point you in a direction but it is up to you to follow the signs to understand the end destination.

I hope this has been as helpful for you as it has been for me. Trust me when I say I have learned so much just through typing this and I am so exited to continue bringing you content on this topic.

Let Me Know: What are some other signs that we can add to this list? How do you personally determine if you or someone you know is struggling with poor self worth?

Coming Up: The Challenge!

"Your perspective in life comes from the cage you were held hostage in"~ Shannon L. Adler

Weight Loss...It's More Than Just the LBS Part 1

As we enter the fall season I know some people are thinking back to resolutions made on January 1st and wondering "What Happened?" Somehow the determination and motivation that was present at the beginning of the year has been watered down to a mere memory. The truth of the matter is that weight loss is more than just a resolution, more than about fitting into a pair of jeans or a swimsuit, more than about looking good at your next reunion. What most people miss is that weight loss is not just about the physical but it is a mental and psychological struggle. Today, I want to be vulnerable and share my own weight loss journey in hopes bring clarity to something that is more than just a trivial matter.

I started gaining weight when I hit puberty. Of course I noticed first, but I just waived it off. I became more self-conscious when others started to notice and make comments about it. I remember someone pulling me off to the side and saying "I see you're putting on some weight," as if that were a good thing. As my weight rose so did my desire to do something about it. I desperately wanted to change myself. But no matter how many sit-ups I did in secret or how hard I tried not to eat; the weight stayed.
Throughout middle school and high school, it was there, and I was extremely conscious of it. I didn't want people to watch me eat, I was always concerned about how I looked in my clothes, and I was always comparing my body to others. But even worse, my self confidence was draining and I had such a poor self-image that I consciously avoided looking at myself in the mirror. 
When it was finally time for me to go off to college the weight was still there. But it was at this point that I came to terms with the fact that I was a big girl. I accepted that this is how I would be for the rest of my life and I began to search for the positives of being a "heavier girl." I started to stop avoiding looking at myself in the mirror in an attempt to force myself to accept the beauty that lie within. I still wished I could be skinny but I stopped blaming myself for who I was. When I graduated from college I came home to more of the same; the inability to lost weight, the acceptance that my size would never change and desperately trying to convince myself that it was okay even though deep down I knew that this was not who I was supposed to be.
In 2011 I began my Master's program at Drexel University.To date, that program has been the most grueling experience of my life. I cannot remember putting so much time, energy, and effort into anything else. Not only was the program academically rigorous, it was also emotionally draining. We were required to be emotionally vulnerable with strangers! I uncovered some hurts that I tried to keep buried and came face to face with truths and realities that I spent years ignoring and burying. I finished the first year of my graduate program emotionally lighter but still physically weighed down; but, releasing that emotional weight was what ultimately allowed me to lose the physical weight which resulted in what some people have called a "dramatic weight loss." As you can see in my picture I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, 80lbs more or less in approximately one year.

Weight loss can be one of the most difficult things to accomplish. So many people struggle for years without seeing the results they want because they fail to realize that it's more than about the lbs. This series will address some of the other areas in our lives that we need to attack before we ever lose a pound or an inch. Granted, this may not apply to everyone, but those who have been working, trying, and failing to see results should consider that what lies beneath the surface can sometimes be our greatest adversary and the hardest parts of ourselves to look at and accept are those that have the greatest impact on who we are AND how we look.

I hope you continue reading in this series....questions, comments, concerns? Leave it all below and I'll be sure to get back to you!

"It's not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves" Sir Edmund Hillary













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New Year New Me

"New Year, New Me"

Okay,Okay, I can sense the collective groan that everyone has after reading the title. Weeks before the new year hits everyone flocks to social media to inform everyone of their plans to make a complete 360 (really 180 but I digress) once the clock strikes 12:00AM.  But, by January 2nd everyone has lost the motivation and the phrase "New Year, New Me" has lost all of it's value. So how do we reclaim the phrase or the idea that we are completely capable of making the long lasting changes that we want in life? By doing what we set out to do in the first place. I know, I know, it's easier said than done. But as someone who has failed miserably AND succeeded wonderfully at making life changes allow me to share two tips for achieving the goals that we set for ourselves.

Remember, it doesn't matter when you start or how many times you fall off track, you're striving for completion not perfection. One of the things that bothers me the most about how people set goals is their decision to set a start date i.e. "The beginning of next month" or "In the New Year." Setting our start dates in this way limits us and allows us to push our goals back more and more. Once the next month hits we push it back another month. Reality: the minute you decide you want to make a change in your life you are capable of beginning that journey. If you're goal is to loose 20 pounds you can sit down that day and figure out  your plan of action. If you want to save money you can look at your spending and determine where you can start cutting back, immediately. We often set these far away start dates and then...well you know what they say "Out of sight out of mind." Whether you have the vision for change in on February 12th, December 28th, or January 17th, don't limit your self to the "New Year," get started ASAP. And be aware that you will not be perfect, things will not always go the way you planned. BUT, remember that no matter how many times you mess up you are always capable of getting started again. And if you happen to take a detour, you don't have to wait until the first of the month (or year) to get going again. Just like you don't have to push back your start date you don't have to push back your re-start date either.

  "Never put off for tomorrow what may be done the day after tomorrow just as well"~ Mark Twain

Keep in mind that true strength doesn't come in one's ability to stand alone but instead in the acceptance of our flaws and our courage to reach out for support in the areas where we fall short. As I type these thoughts of mine I recognize that this is such a huge pill to swallow. I myself struggle with being vulnerable enough to admit that I am incapable of doing EVERYTHING myself. Instead of accepting a helping hand I would rather flail about and fail on my own. If this is my experience I'm sure that this is many other's experience as well. Reality: we all need help! As we set these goals for ourselves we have to seek out networks of support that can encourage us, hold us accountable, and achieve goals with us. Now identifying these supports is a daunting task. We all have those people in our lives who look like our cheerleaders but are only out opponents in disguise. Those who cheer us on while secretly concocting a plan to knock us down. Then there are those who are all for starting the journey with us and then at some point we look around and realize they have disappeared. Or what about when we finally decide that we want to achieve a goal and we get so excited about our new journey but no one else is on board. I get it, finding a good support system is tough. But there are ways to weed out those undesirables before they leave us standing alone. There is nothing wrong with "interviewing" your supports to make sure they're in it for the long haul and just as excited for your success as you are. And, with the help of the internet, social networks, and phone apps, we can seek out interest and support groups who are working towards the same things we are. Also, remember that just as we need support to reach our goals, there are others who are looking for support to reach theirs. Sometimes if we can be that support to others we will unintentionally find the support we need. At the end of the day, if achieving our goals is that important to us we will take the time to make sure we have  a team that can help us get to the finish line. 

"I am because we are"~ Africa Proverb

I hope that these two tips are beneficial as you enter the New Year with new goals and hopes for yourself. What has been helpful for you in reaching your goals in the past? What are some of your goals for 2015? Thank you for taking the time to stop by, questions, comments, all of the above...share it below. If this was helpful share it with a friend and I'll see you in the next post.