Weight Loss: It's More Than Just the Lbs- You Are How You Eat

The initial set of posts in this series focused on what I like to call "pre-weight loss," sometimes there are internal issues that we need to take care of before we even begin to think about losing a pound. If you missed that section of posts you can revisit it here, the next sections of posts will focus on lifestyle changes that I made that resulted in improved health and weight loss. 

You Are How You Eat!

Many people are continuously trying to lose weight but are not seeing any results. That's because many of us have horrible and counterproductive eating habits. Let's examine a few of them and identify the proper way we should be eating.

1.Skipping Meals

This is a big, huge NO-NO if you're trying to lose weight. Some people think "If I eat less, I lose weight," others simply become busy and don't make time to eat while others don't get hungry as often as they should. Whatever the case may be, if you are trying to lose some lbs, you're going to have to eat. When you don't eat frequently enough your body gets the idea that it should go into starvation mode. Starvation mode is a protective measure that our body takes to combat starvation. This results in the body conserving fat and calories instead of burning them as it usually does. 

You may also notice that there are some people who can eat all that they want and still remain "skinny." That's because they have a metabolism that works quickly to burn off the calories that they consume. Not all of us are fortunate to have this quick metabolism but one thing that can help speed up your metabolism is eating smaller portions more frequently during the day. I went from eating 2 meals per day to eating 4-5 meals (3 main meals and 2 snacks) One thing that helped me was scheduling my meals. I know this sounds anal but I know when I'm supposed to eat, so hungry or not, I get my meals in. And my meals are planned for each day so even when my day is jam packed I have already set aside time so that I can get in my required meals. For those who don't get hungry throughout the day, getting on a schedule will help you to train your body and soon you will naturally get hungry when you're supposed to.

2. We Eat the Wrong Size Meals

The picture at the top of this post is an illustration of how your body can look based on how you eat. In this country, we often skip breakfast, we may or may not eat lunch, and then we have a huge dinner right before we go to bed. This is an extremely unhealthy way to eat. It is important to start the day with a good breakfast filled with healthy fats and calories. This is the first meal of the day and gives energy to help sustain us through the various tasks we have to complete. Next is lunch which should still be a good amount of food. Lunch plays an equal role in giving us energy for the day. DINNER SHOULD BE THE SMALLEST MEAL OF THE DAY. Re-read this 3 times. By the time you eat dinner you are done most of your physical activity for the day. You won't be walking, running, or moving...you'll be sleeping. You don't need to build your energy and you don't want to fill your body with calories and fat that won't be burned off as efficiently as those you consumed earlier in the day. Bonus Point: If you really want to lose weight don't eat within three hours of going to bed. That means if you go to bed at 12AM, you should not eat anything after 9PM, and so on. 

3. We Eat the Wrong Portions of Food

In America we consume too much food, point blank. Our potions our way too big which leaves us consuming way more calories than we are able to burn in a day. This chart from guardyourhealth.com shows how we can use our hand to measure how much food we should be consuming. Most people's initial reactions are "I'm going to need to eat more than that." You're right! At this point in time your body is used to consuming a certain amount of calories and will feel unsatisfied if that amount is significantly reduced. But, losing weight is not just about going down a few numbers on a scale; it's about creating discipline. Initially you may feel hungry and like you need to eat more, but we are training our bodies to consume what they need not what they want. As you train your body it will fall in line with the new, disciplined way of eating that causes it to look and feel better. 

How are your eating habits? Do you think it's too hard to change these habits? Do you think it's worth it? These are just my thoughts based on my experiences but I'm eager to hear from you. What are your experiences? What do you think?

"No discipline is enjoyable while it's happening. It's painful! But afterwards there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way"~Hebrews 12:11 ESV

"I don't find it a struggle to maintain a healthy diet now as my palate has changed. I don't crave rich foods"~ Jennifer Ellison

Weight loss...It's More Than Just The Lbs. Pt 4: Know Your History

Source: http://www.vanderbilt.edu/

As a family therapist one of our most used tools is a genogram. A genogram is basically a family tree and it's one of my favorite tools. Why? Because a genogram doesn't just show who's in the family but patterns throughout generations such as abuse, drug use, financial struggles, parenting choices and anything else you can think of. Oftentimes families don't realize these patterns, how far they go back, and how much of an impact the past has on the present. Understanding the past is also an important step in the weight loss process. 
Consider a family that uses food to console each other. Each time someone is sad, disappointed, angry, or stressed a plate of comfort food is shoved in their face? Or how about a family where an extra ten dollars at the end of the week means a an extra tasty treat from the grocery store? What about families that have a reoccurring pattern of laziness, those that make every excuse in the book about why they can't walk around the block, lift a weight, or hop on the treadmill to better themselves. These are unhealthy and debilitating patterns that seem simple on the surface but take a closer look and you'll see how deeply ingrained they are and what a tremendous barrier they are in preventing us from achieving the growth and change we want to see. We have to recognize, understand, and change these patterns before we see any physical change. Now, I'm about to take it  step further but stay with me.

Let's go deep
I want to consider an even deeper generational pattern that can have a hold on us as it relates to this issue. As a black woman I'm going to speak on the black experience but any race can benefit from this perspective. 
Slavery has had a tremendous impact on the black experience, especially how we eat. During slavery, black slaves were given whatever was left after their masters ate the best of the best. Some of the food was spoiled or it was the parts that no one else wanted...like pig intestines (But I digress). This was all we had so we learned to survive on it. Learned how to season it up really well, oftentimes with seasonings that are detrimental to our health but necessary to preserve the food. These eating habits were passed from generation to generation and have come to be a defining cultural norm. Now I'm not suggesting that we all give up our soul food for good, but we have to take into consideration a loyalty to food at the expense of our health and well being. We are worth more than high blood pressure, cardiac arrest, heart attacks, and clogged arteries; which are issues that black people out rank other races in. We as a people have to do better.
So here is another perspective. As a result of slavery and Jim Crow Blacks were taught that we are inferior and that there were certain privileges that are set aside for Whites. As a result we now have white privilege where we as black people accept that whites are more deserving of certain things than we are. But in this day and age, instead of acknowledging this privilege we accept it and use it as a way to look down on others.  When I'm in a group of other black people and we see healthy food or a unique way of working out the comment is always "That's for white people," or "That's a white thing." Because the pattern of thinking that has been passed from generation to generation is that good health and taking care of ourselves are reserved for the privileged in our community, the Whites. This is a deeply rooted issue and we need to understand it's impact on us before were can truly take care of our bodies.

I had to go there for a moment, I had to go deep, because this is a deep issue, it's more than just about the Lbs. When we get a basic understanding of our root issue we can begin to make changes that will be visible on the surface. So here is some homework for you, yes I said homework. Look at your own family tree, try to identify food, eating, and health patterns in the generations. Look at diseases and illnesses, talk to your family and understand the patterns so you can be aware of what you're up against.

So, we have made it to the final installment of this series on weight loss. I hope that this series has been beneficial to you and than you keep coming back for the other topics I'll post on. Please share a comment or question on this specific post and if there are any topics you would like to hear me address or questions that you want my perspective on please visit the Q&A page. 

... no human being is master of his fate, and ... we are all motivated far more than we care to admit by characteristics inherited from our ancestors which individual experiences of childhood can modify, repress, or enhance, but cannot erase-Agnes E. Meyer

Weight Loss...It's More Than Just The Lbs Pt 3. Look In The Mirror

Last time we talked about our emotions, how we feel, and deal with how we feel. Now it's time to focus on our mind and how we think about ourselves. Our thoughts have a tremendous impact on our behaviors, what we believe dictates our actions. If, in our minds, we think we can't; if we think this is how we'll be forever, then that sets the ceiling for what we can do. So, before we can attack the weight on our bodies we have to attack the thoughts in our minds.

Source: Overstock.com

Do You Love Yourself?

For some people this is one of those "dumb questions" that they act like they didn't hear; but for many this is a real and true issue and the core of their struggle with their weight. I personally don't understand how someone can say they love themselves and turn around and do things that are self-destructive. To me it's almost like saying "My life is worth living" and then committing suicide. When you start to love yourself you start to cut out things in your life that are harmful to you. This includes people, places, things, and bad habits. You start to recognize that you are more that worth it and more than deserving of the best that life has to offer you. You stop settling for anything that is less than that. When you decide that you are worth it you can strive toward your goal no matter what obstacles come your way. As you start on your weight loss journey there are going to be people who want to see you fail, who are just waiting for you to slip up. They send negativity your way to try and knock you off of your path but if you love yourself and are determined to better yourself, you will be so grounded that their negativity won't be able to rock you. There are going to be times when you mess up or you don't see the results when you expect to see them. If you have accepted yourself just the way you are set-backs and slow change won't deter you because you will realize that it's not just about the lbs, it's about being the best you that you can be and that isn't simply about how you look on the outside. At the end of the day your self-improvement has to radiate from the inside out and as you change the way you think about yourself on the inside you will see changes on the outside. It may not be the exact change you expected but when you are grounded in who you are you will be satisfied with what you see. 

Personal Moment: I always knew I was supposed to love myself, but I didn't. I hated everything about myself physically and in other areas as well. I blamed God for who I was. Then, I got some really good advice. Someone told me to wake up every day, look at myself in the mirror, and tell myself I'm beautiful. I took this advice a step further and stripped away everything I used to make myself beautiful: clothes, hair, make-up, everything and I looked at myself, naked, no make-up, hair undone...flaws and all. I challenged myself to love myself and be okay with myself just the way I was. If I never lost a pound, if my hair never was all done up, if for some reason I could never wear make up again, I had to come to terms that I would still be okay. It wasn't until I mastered this that I could begin to change.

You have to love yourself , you have to know that your are worth it. In order to get to this place you have to identify what it is that you don't like about yourself and understand why you reject those parts of you. Once you overcome this the sky is the limit for you. In my weight loss journey one of my biggest obstacles was working out. Not because I couldn't do it, I just didn't want people to see me sweaty and out of breath. Can you believe this ridiculousness???  I wanted to lose weight, I knew I needed to exercise, sweating and heavy breathing are a byproduct of exercise but I didn't want to sweat or breathe heavy. It was because I was so insecure and worried about how others would perceive me. Once I started to love myself, I came to the conclusion that I was worth too much to myself to be unhealthy just because I didn't want people to see me sweat. I decided that I was going to work out as hard as possible, even if people had to see me drenched in sweat. And even if people talked about me or judged me, I was ok because it was all for me and not for them. Their opinions held no weight in comparison to my decisions. And, as you can imagine those super sweaty workouts resulted in some serious weight loss. Do not allow your insecurities to hold you back, challenge yourself, push yourself, and you will achieve greatness.

I hope that you are enjoying the series this far, please come back for the next and final installment!

Have you struggled with loving yourself, are you currently struggling with this issue? Have any questions, comments, or concerns? Leave it all below, I would love to hear from you.

"Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You have to love yourself to get anything done in this world" Lucille Ball

Weight Loss...It's More Than Just The Lbs Pt 2-Emotional Weight

Sometimes our emotional, psychological, and mental issues can show up as physical symptoms. For example, stress can show up as headaches or body pain, nervousness can show up as nausea or stomach pain. In the same way our struggles with weight loss can be connected to an emotional issue that hasn't been addressed yet. In this case we need to release our emotional demons before we can expect to see any physical change.

                              Picture Source: http://robedirobrob.deviantart.com/                                         
So what do I mean by emotional demons? Some people have experienced traumatic situations in their life that they have never processed or work through. Abuse, loss, grief, hurts, these are just some examples of trauma. When we experience trauma our brain literally changes forever. Our view of the world is warped and our interactions with others are shifted. Oftentimes we can't see the shift or connect it to our traumatic experiences. For some, additional weight or overeating can be a protective measure that unconsciously prevents us from experiencing the trauma again. Before we can seriously tackle the weight we have to identify and work through experiences of trauma.
 Others deal with past and present relationship wounds that have never been healed. Some examples of relationship wounds are betrayal by a loved one, being abandoned by a parent, and consistently being let down or disappointed. When we experience hurt in a relationship but do not give ourselves the freedom to validate that hurt we can hold a grudge. Holding on to grudges can be like holding on to weight. Until we are able to forgive and release a person's hold on our lives we will never be able to release the lbs. 
Still, others of us walk around weighed down by emotional baggage. Every single day each and every one of up have a variety of experiences that can take us through a variety of emotions both good and bad. We NEED an outlet for these feelings and emotions. We need to be emotionally supported and to know that someone cares for our emotional well being. When we don't have access to such outlets we can become overwhelmed.There are too many of us who do not have a healthy and safe way to let out our feelings and emotions. As a result these feelings become a sack of burdens that become heavier and heavier as time goes on, just like we become heavier and heavier as we pack on the lbs. The defining moment could be trusting someone to help us carry the burden. This is not an easy task, I know first hand. It's almost like a work out in and of itself. But the more we practice, the more we work on it, the easier it becomes. Just like physical exercise and weight loss. But before we can work out our bodies we need to work out our emotions. 

If you read the previous post you got a decent introduction to my weight loss struggle. (If you haven't read it, take a moment to check it out!) You saw that my emotional transformation began during grad school. I believe I dealt with all of the issues listed above. It was NOT an easy process. But I can be a witness that the emotional process that occurred behind the scenes was the foundation that created the physical transformation that everyone has been able to see. 

I hope that you will stay tuned for the next part of the series which will focus on how we view ourselves and the real reason we desire to lose weight.

What do you think about "emotional weight?" Is it something you deal with? Questions, comments, concerns....drop it below or use the Q&A link.

"I don't want to be at the mercy of my own emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them" Oscar Wilde

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Weight Loss...It's More Than Just the LBS Part 1

As we enter the fall season I know some people are thinking back to resolutions made on January 1st and wondering "What Happened?" Somehow the determination and motivation that was present at the beginning of the year has been watered down to a mere memory. The truth of the matter is that weight loss is more than just a resolution, more than about fitting into a pair of jeans or a swimsuit, more than about looking good at your next reunion. What most people miss is that weight loss is not just about the physical but it is a mental and psychological struggle. Today, I want to be vulnerable and share my own weight loss journey in hopes bring clarity to something that is more than just a trivial matter.

I started gaining weight when I hit puberty. Of course I noticed first, but I just waived it off. I became more self-conscious when others started to notice and make comments about it. I remember someone pulling me off to the side and saying "I see you're putting on some weight," as if that were a good thing. As my weight rose so did my desire to do something about it. I desperately wanted to change myself. But no matter how many sit-ups I did in secret or how hard I tried not to eat; the weight stayed.
Throughout middle school and high school, it was there, and I was extremely conscious of it. I didn't want people to watch me eat, I was always concerned about how I looked in my clothes, and I was always comparing my body to others. But even worse, my self confidence was draining and I had such a poor self-image that I consciously avoided looking at myself in the mirror. 
When it was finally time for me to go off to college the weight was still there. But it was at this point that I came to terms with the fact that I was a big girl. I accepted that this is how I would be for the rest of my life and I began to search for the positives of being a "heavier girl." I started to stop avoiding looking at myself in the mirror in an attempt to force myself to accept the beauty that lie within. I still wished I could be skinny but I stopped blaming myself for who I was. When I graduated from college I came home to more of the same; the inability to lost weight, the acceptance that my size would never change and desperately trying to convince myself that it was okay even though deep down I knew that this was not who I was supposed to be.
In 2011 I began my Master's program at Drexel University.To date, that program has been the most grueling experience of my life. I cannot remember putting so much time, energy, and effort into anything else. Not only was the program academically rigorous, it was also emotionally draining. We were required to be emotionally vulnerable with strangers! I uncovered some hurts that I tried to keep buried and came face to face with truths and realities that I spent years ignoring and burying. I finished the first year of my graduate program emotionally lighter but still physically weighed down; but, releasing that emotional weight was what ultimately allowed me to lose the physical weight which resulted in what some people have called a "dramatic weight loss." As you can see in my picture I lost a lot of weight in a short amount of time, 80lbs more or less in approximately one year.

Weight loss can be one of the most difficult things to accomplish. So many people struggle for years without seeing the results they want because they fail to realize that it's more than about the lbs. This series will address some of the other areas in our lives that we need to attack before we ever lose a pound or an inch. Granted, this may not apply to everyone, but those who have been working, trying, and failing to see results should consider that what lies beneath the surface can sometimes be our greatest adversary and the hardest parts of ourselves to look at and accept are those that have the greatest impact on who we are AND how we look.

I hope you continue reading in this series....questions, comments, concerns? Leave it all below and I'll be sure to get back to you!

"It's not the mountain we conquer, but ourselves" Sir Edmund Hillary













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