Know Your Worth: I Challenge You!

Developing a healthy sense of self worth is no easy task. It's not like you go to bed one night and wake up owning your worth. A healthy sense of self worth is something that has to be worked at, cultivated, and developed. It takes work. Over time you (or others) have taught you that you are not good enough, that you are less than. This was not something that happened because of one incident or circumstance. Over time you were exposed to situations that confirmed the negative message that maintained your negative sense of self. I am going to give some suggestions of things that you can do to undo that work and change the way you view yourself. With this consistency is key. Remember, you are training your brain to think differently and therefore when there is a lapse you set yourself back and instead of building from where you left off you have to re-do work that you've already done. Also, you are changing your brain and the way you think, it won't happen over night; but, if you make an honest effort you will begin to notice change. Don't believe me just watch! I challenge you!

1. Make A List

• Right now you don't see yourself as worthy because of how you view yourself. You view yourself through your faults, your difficulties, your weaknesses (which we all have by the way). So this is what you need to do, get a piece of paper and pen and list all your positives, everything good about you. From the way you look, to your personality and your accomplishments; make a list as long as you can that brags about you. If you are having trouble making a list, talk to some people (GOOD PEOPLE) and ask them what are some positives about you. Think back on the things that people have said about you over time. Things like "You have a nice smile," "You're intelligent," "You think well on your feet," ect. Spend a good amount of time on your list. Put your list up somewhere where you can see it on a daily basis (Examples: On your refrigerator, next to your mirror, on your nightstand) and let it serve as a constant reminder that you are worth it!
• Take It A Step Further: I hope your list is nice and long. Take things a step further by choosing the top five things on your list and write them on an index card. Carry this index card with you and whenever you feel your worth depleting, whenever someone tries to rob you of your worth, whenever you stop believing the positive and start harping on the negatives; take a look at that card and remember your worth!

2. Say It

• Don't just talk about it be about it. Remember when I said we are changing the way we think, one way to speed up the process is to speak the truths we are teaching ourselves to accept. For this task you need to identify one or multiple mantras. A mantra is simply a statement that you repeat over and over. You can either look up mantras (google is your friend) or create your own, but they should speak to your worth. For example, the most obvious mantra is "I am worth it." But you can also choose specific mantras like "I am beautiful," "I deserve the best that life has to offer," "I can do this," ect., ect. You can pick one mantra or several but everyday you say this mantra at least once. It's best to do it first thing in the morning to motivate you for the rest of the day. You can say the mantra once or as many times as you want. You can say one mantra or multiple. Get creative, it's your journey. I firmly believe in this practice. I believe that words have the power and we can literally speak life or death. I believe that by speaking positivity and hope each morning you have the ability to impact the remainder of your day.

3.Know Your Bullies

• So, our first step was to identify our positives, and just as it's important to know our positives it's also important to know our negatives as well. Negatives in this sense being the messages that contribute to our low sense of self worth. This will be unique for each and every one of us; it can be related to our appearance, personality, or ability to achieve. Think about all the times you feel worthless, useless, and unsuccessful and what was happening at that time. Is there a specific person that makes you feel that way? Do you feel worthless in class or at work? In a relationship? Once you identify those specific situations or thoughts that contribute to the negative feelings now we can challenge them. As you enter into those situations, encounter those people, start reflecting on your positive messages; start reciting your mantras, pull out your Top 5 index card. In order to train your brain to think differently you have to act almost instantaneously, at least at first. Once this becomes the norm you won't need the index card, your brain will automatically jump in on its own and shut the negative messages down. But, it takes practice at first, it takes work to overcome your present way of thinking.

4.Cut It Out

•  Sometimes we send ourselves the negative messages that decrease our sense of self worth but oftentimes those messages come from other places as well. I will go into greater depth about this in another post but some examples are other people, the music we listen to, the shows we watch and the celebrities we follow. Once we identify these sources we need to get rid of them. It's hard and sometimes impossible to completely cut people out of our lives but if someone's words and actions are detrimental to our sense of self worth we need to significantly reduce the time we spend with them. Stop watching certain shows or going certain places. It's hard at first but remember, we are re-wiring out brains and overtime the sacrifices we make will be appreciated as we begin to see ourselves as worth it!

I challenge you to put these suggestions to the test. Give an honest effort for at least 6 months and see if you notice any change in yourself, the way you think and feel. I bet you won't be the only one who notices the change, I bet those around you will see it too!

"If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find that you are ready for greater challenges" ~ Pat Riley

Know Your Worth: Know the Signs

Source: Dreamstime.com

The first step in creating positive self-worth is acknowledging that you have a low sense of self worth. For some the signs are obvious and dots are easy to connect, other signs don't point directly to self worth but they are still a burden to bear. Let's highlight some direct and indirect signs of low self worth.

Thinking Negatively About Self

• Every single one of us has faults, myself included, but we also have strengths as well. A healthy and well balanced person is aware of their strengths as well as their weaknesses and is always looking towards growth and forward progress. A person with low self worth is constantly criticizing themselves. In their eyes the negatives grossly outweigh the positives. They are their own worst critic. Instead of working to overcome their faults, they choose to swim in a pool of self pity and doubt. They are stuck in a mindset that they are no good and trapped in a pattern of self destruction.

In-congruence of Self

• What does this mean? Basically that the "you" that is presented to others doesn't match the true "you." This can be seen in character traits. For example, someone may present in public as rough, tough, and unbreakable but their true self is soft, caring, and emotional. The in-congruence can also be evident in the decisions that we make. For example, someone who always gives in to what others wants from them, even in times when it is appropriate for them to put themselves first. A person with low self worth is not confident in who they truly are so they become someone else in order to feel more confident, they become the person they feel is worthy when in actuality who they are is good enough.

Relationship Woes

• How many of use find ourselves in same relationship over and over again. I don't mean with the same person; what I'm referring to is we constantly find ourselves in the same situation constantly wondering how we got here...AGAIN! It's true that we attract what we project. If we feel low about ourselves, if we have a negative self worth, we will project that and others will pick up on it whether consciously or unconsciously. Oftentimes people with low self worth attract people who lack confidence and use the one with low self worth to validate themselves. This only adds to the negative cycle that strips you of your worthiness. If you find yourself constantly in bad relationships; it's possible that regardless of your experience, All Men and All Women are not    (Fill in the blank here)   . It is possible that it is time to stop looking outward an looking inside in order to create a different experience. 

Stuck in an Undesired Situation

• When you can recognize that you're at a place you don't want to be but never take any steps to move out of that place, it is possible that you have a low sense of self worth. Those with a low sense of self worth do not believe that they are deserving of the best that life has for them. They are content with settling for less that what they are worthy of. They become comfortable with what is mediocre instead of striving for what is excellent. They begin to unknowingly self-sabotage so that they can remain where they are. This may be a dead-end job, an unhealthy relationship, or just a failure to experience the best that life has to offer.

These are just a few indicators that point to a low sense of self worth. There are definitely others that can be added and of course, experiencing any one of these is not a direct indicator that one has a poor self worth. Signs point you in a direction but it is up to you to follow the signs to understand the end destination.

I hope this has been as helpful for you as it has been for me. Trust me when I say I have learned so much just through typing this and I am so exited to continue bringing you content on this topic.

Let Me Know: What are some other signs that we can add to this list? How do you personally determine if you or someone you know is struggling with poor self worth?

Coming Up: The Challenge!

"Your perspective in life comes from the cage you were held hostage in"~ Shannon L. Adler