Weight Loss: It's More Than Just the Lbs- You Are How You Eat

The initial set of posts in this series focused on what I like to call "pre-weight loss," sometimes there are internal issues that we need to take care of before we even begin to think about losing a pound. If you missed that section of posts you can revisit it here, the next sections of posts will focus on lifestyle changes that I made that resulted in improved health and weight loss. 

You Are How You Eat!

Many people are continuously trying to lose weight but are not seeing any results. That's because many of us have horrible and counterproductive eating habits. Let's examine a few of them and identify the proper way we should be eating.

1.Skipping Meals

This is a big, huge NO-NO if you're trying to lose weight. Some people think "If I eat less, I lose weight," others simply become busy and don't make time to eat while others don't get hungry as often as they should. Whatever the case may be, if you are trying to lose some lbs, you're going to have to eat. When you don't eat frequently enough your body gets the idea that it should go into starvation mode. Starvation mode is a protective measure that our body takes to combat starvation. This results in the body conserving fat and calories instead of burning them as it usually does. 

You may also notice that there are some people who can eat all that they want and still remain "skinny." That's because they have a metabolism that works quickly to burn off the calories that they consume. Not all of us are fortunate to have this quick metabolism but one thing that can help speed up your metabolism is eating smaller portions more frequently during the day. I went from eating 2 meals per day to eating 4-5 meals (3 main meals and 2 snacks) One thing that helped me was scheduling my meals. I know this sounds anal but I know when I'm supposed to eat, so hungry or not, I get my meals in. And my meals are planned for each day so even when my day is jam packed I have already set aside time so that I can get in my required meals. For those who don't get hungry throughout the day, getting on a schedule will help you to train your body and soon you will naturally get hungry when you're supposed to.

2. We Eat the Wrong Size Meals

The picture at the top of this post is an illustration of how your body can look based on how you eat. In this country, we often skip breakfast, we may or may not eat lunch, and then we have a huge dinner right before we go to bed. This is an extremely unhealthy way to eat. It is important to start the day with a good breakfast filled with healthy fats and calories. This is the first meal of the day and gives energy to help sustain us through the various tasks we have to complete. Next is lunch which should still be a good amount of food. Lunch plays an equal role in giving us energy for the day. DINNER SHOULD BE THE SMALLEST MEAL OF THE DAY. Re-read this 3 times. By the time you eat dinner you are done most of your physical activity for the day. You won't be walking, running, or moving...you'll be sleeping. You don't need to build your energy and you don't want to fill your body with calories and fat that won't be burned off as efficiently as those you consumed earlier in the day. Bonus Point: If you really want to lose weight don't eat within three hours of going to bed. That means if you go to bed at 12AM, you should not eat anything after 9PM, and so on. 

3. We Eat the Wrong Portions of Food

In America we consume too much food, point blank. Our potions our way too big which leaves us consuming way more calories than we are able to burn in a day. This chart from guardyourhealth.com shows how we can use our hand to measure how much food we should be consuming. Most people's initial reactions are "I'm going to need to eat more than that." You're right! At this point in time your body is used to consuming a certain amount of calories and will feel unsatisfied if that amount is significantly reduced. But, losing weight is not just about going down a few numbers on a scale; it's about creating discipline. Initially you may feel hungry and like you need to eat more, but we are training our bodies to consume what they need not what they want. As you train your body it will fall in line with the new, disciplined way of eating that causes it to look and feel better. 

How are your eating habits? Do you think it's too hard to change these habits? Do you think it's worth it? These are just my thoughts based on my experiences but I'm eager to hear from you. What are your experiences? What do you think?

"No discipline is enjoyable while it's happening. It's painful! But afterwards there will be a peaceful harvest of right living for those who are trained in this way"~Hebrews 12:11 ESV

"I don't find it a struggle to maintain a healthy diet now as my palate has changed. I don't crave rich foods"~ Jennifer Ellison

Are You A Reactor or A Responder?

Source: Dailycaring.com

It's 8:00AM, your alarm was supposed to go off at 7:30, it never did. You put your clothes in the dryer last night but never pressed start. On your way to work someone cuts you off, almost causing an accident. When you get to work the one co-worker who always cracks jokes says something to tick you off even more. You give them the death stare and open your mouth to respond.  

Everyday life happens to us; the good, the bad, and the ugly. When I was in grad school I had an awesome supervisor (shameless plug), Jay Lappin, and he taught us the following equation: E+R=O. In this equation the E stands for an event, R stands for the Response, and the O stands for the Outcome. The Event is what happens to us. The sequence above gives examples of events. The Response is how we handle the event when it happens. The Outcome is the end result. In this equation we can't control the Event but we can control the Response which then impacts the Outcome. The question is are you a Reactor or a Responder?

A Reactor gives an immediate emotional reaction to the content of the Event. Many of use have a natural, internal reactions to the things that we experience in our lives. Both the big issues and the tiny incidents elicit an emotion, a thought, a feeling. Reactors allow the naturally occurring, internal thoughts to freely come out without a filter. Reactors don't give thought to how their words and actions will impact the Outcome, they only think about how the Event is weighing on them. A Reactor in the example above feels frustrated and annoyed and these feelings are being intensified by the co-worker. A Reactor then goes in on the co-worker; yelling, screaming, cursing, or insulting them. After the dust settles, the Reactor usually regrets their reaction. They feel guilty, sorry, embarrassed, ect. The result is an undesired Outcome; the Reactor usually has to pick up broken pieces and fix things as a result of their reaction. 

Responders, like Reactors, have internal emotional responses to their Events. Unlike Reactors, Responders don't automatically act on their internal thoughts and feelings. Instead, Responders take time to process what they are experiencing and how they are feeling. This processing could take 30 seconds, minutes, or hours. A Responder understands that their Response impacts their Outcome and they don't want an Outcome that they will regret, or that will cause them even greater problems. In the above example a Responder would take a moment to validate their feelings of frustration and impatience. They would identify the various things that have happened throughout the morning that led to these feelings. This brief assessment leads to the conclusion that although the co-worker may be annoying, they are no different than they are on any other day. And every other day the Responder laughs along with the co-worker or rolls their eyes. The Responder comes to the conclusion that the co-worker is not intentionally trying to frustrate the co-worker and therefore does not deserve to be the container for their frustration. Instead the Responder explains that they are having a bad day, walks away to be  by themselves, or takes some time and later addresses the co-workers "annoying" behaviors in an appropriate and emotionally healthy way. Giving clear thought about how to respond doesn't undo the Even but the Responder can walk away knowing that they did everything they could to create the desired Outcome.

It is not easy to be a Responder instead of a Reactor, especially if you're used to responding instantly based off of feelings. It takes time to change thoughts and slow yourself down enough so that you avoid making the immediate reaction. But, in the end it is worth it. Instead of having to go back and fix things, you know that you did your best to appropriately handle the situation. Imagine how different things would be in the world if more people would be Responders instead of Reactors.

Are you a Responder or a Reactor? Do you think that it's better to respond or react. How would things be different if more people were Responders? This is just how I see things but I'm eager to hear how you view this issue. Thanks for stopping by and be sure to share your thoughts below.

"My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry."~ The Bible, James 1:19, English Standard Version

Know Your Worth: Where Do I Find My Identity?

Source: Theodysseyonline.com, vh1.com, womenoffaith.com

This 'Know Your Worth" series is one that is is very special to me. It's special because it is a recent journey that I have found myself on. The past few years have been somewhat of a roller-coaster for me. The person who I was for a very long time became very distant and foreign to me and I became someone I barely recognized. I behaved in ways that were not congruent with who I truly was on the inside. At the height of this time I pleaded to God asking Him how I had gotten to this point. Then answer was clear, I had lost sight of my worth. My attempts to "have worth" to "be worthy"-futile. This caused low self esteem, feelings of inadequacy, a broken woman. And at the root of this brokenness-I was had the wrong idea of who I was, I had found my identity the wrong way and in all the wrong places.

 I Used the Wrong Dictionary to Define Myself 

At one point in my life I had a clear and right way of defining who I am. Then, at some point I decided that my definition wasn't good enough. I wanted to be different. I wanted to be all the things I wasn't but looked good to me. So, I started looking to the wrong things to define who I am. I looked to media. I used to watch EVERY episode and season of the "Love and Hip Hop" franchise. I knew it was high foolery in the beginning, but as I got deep in it I started to compare myself to the women on the show. I thought less of myself because I didn't "match up" to them. And it wasn't just Love and Hip Hop. It was other tv shows, popular songs, images. I defined what it means to be a woman based on their standards. And their standards- a whole mess. I looked to those around me. Instagram and Facebook were my worst enemy. I compared myself to everyone I saw. Whether it was looks, job, finances, lifestyle or relationships. I wanted to be on top and on top meant being better than everyone else. Every time I saw an area where I didn't measure up my sense of self worth took a huge hit. I looked to my friends. And here's something interesting: just because your friends live a certain way or are going down a certain path, that doesn't mean that's what is meant for you. It also doesn't mean that you have to agree with them or subscribe to their agenda. I didn't know or realize this. I wanted to be on the track running alongside my friends when in reality we could very well be in two different races. I thought I needed to desire the things that they desired. When my friends talked about what wan't "good enough" or what they wanted out of life, if that wasn't my desire, if that wasn't where I was, then I felt that I had missed the mark. I also looked to men. My goal: to one day be married and have a family. In order for that to happen men have to find me attractive, desirable, they have to want to be with me. So I acted in ways to make this happen, even when it went against my morals, my values, and what my inner self felt was right.When this didn't happen, I took this as a sign that I wasn't good enough, that I was somehow flawed and needed to abandon the idea of who I thought I should be in favor of what I thought men wanted. 

When I defined myself by these standards I was NEVER good enough because I was holding myself to a standard that I wasn't created to attain. And if I was honest with myself, the inner me didn't want to meet these standards. But I was lost, if this wasn't the definition of me then what was? I came to the conclusion that I had to reject all of the influences telling me who I should be but I was lost and confused about where I could find the answers.

I Defined Myself By God's Standards: I Found My Identity 

One day I was watching the Breakfast Club (a very popular morning radio show) and they were interviewing gospel artist Kirk Franklin. I believe that Charlemagne was trying to trip Kirk up regarding how Christian men view women and Kirk gave an answer that struck a chord with me. He said "Think of every woman as a daughter of God, if God were in the room how would you treat her?" I don't remember the rest of the interview because this statement sent my mind racing. "I am a daughter of God!" "I'm letting people treat me however they want!" "I need to hold people to a standard!" "People need to treat me like I am a daughter of a King!" This was the point where I began to discover or should I say, rediscover, my identity. This identify is based on what God says about me as 1) His child and 2) A woman. I started reading Proverbs 31 every morning. I looked for scriptures that gave further insight on who God designed me to be. This began a transformation that is indescribable. When I held myself up to God's standard instead of the standard of the world I saw an attainable identity instead of an unattainable one. With the grace of God and through his help I can be what He says I am. Not only that but John 3:16 says the following, "For God so loved that world [This means me], that he gave his only Son [To die]" Not only can I be what God says I am but he found worth in me, even when I didn't see worth in myself. With God I am loved, I am accepted, I have true worth, value, and an IDENTITY. 

When I didn't know who I was, I struggled and that period was hard for me. In the past when I struggled I didn't reach out to others. I presented like everything was perfect when inside I was hurting. This time I found my strength in taking my problems to someone else . I urge you, that if you struggle like I did, if you feel like you don't know your worth, if you are wondering how you got to the place where you are. Talk to someone. Reach out. Get feedback. Don't depend solely on yourself but find peace in the supports around you. You are never alone.

I want to hear from you! Where do you look to find your identity? How does that impact your sense of worth? How do you know when others are finding their identity in all the wrong places. This is just my perspective on how I see the world, but I want to hear yours as well!

"You thought I was worth saving, so you came and changed my life; you thought I was worth keeping, so you cleaned me up inside; you thought I was to DIE FOR, so you sacrificed your life" Worth~Anthony Brown

Know Your Worth: Don't Be Afraid to Set Standards

Source: Unknown

I promised myself that I would stop posting memes on Instagram. I had to, I was a serial meme poster, I posted about 2-3 memes per day. And then I got sick of myself so I said I would not post another meme (I hope I'm using this word correctly, meme as in the image above). Well that was until I saw this image. I felt the message in this image spoke to a big issue I see in the relationships we have today and not only did I feel that need to repost it, I felt I had to talk about it.

First and foremost let me address the languaging in this image, from here on out can we agree to ignore the man/woman in the image? We all know that this can go either way, I don't want to blame/shame a specific gender.

Now that that's out of the way let's break down the meat of this post and how it relates to this "Know Your Worth" series. One big, gaping, hole in relationships today are standards. Merriam Webster defines the word standard as: 1) "A level of quality or achievement" and 2)  "Something that is very good and that is used to make  judgements  about other things." A standard is a desired outcome, an expectation. When you have standards in relationships, you have expectations and you are not willing to settle for anything less than what you expect. Some common standards that I see are: "No sex until marriage" or "No sex until we are in a committed relationship,"We have to go on dates," "Our anniversary is important and must be remembered," ect., ect. These standards create the guidelines by which we govern our relationships; so without the standard what are left with? A big puddle of mess!

The image highlights one standard that has been lost in today's generation: Fidelity. People are not setting standards for fidelity and commitment in their relationship. Now don't misunderstand me; there are some people whose standard for fidelity is that infidelity is acceptable. Not that I agree with this standard, but it is one. I am specifically speaking about are two things 1) People who never set the standard, and 2) People who set the standard but never communicate it to their significant other. This leaves people feeling hurt, alone, and betrayed when they experience cheating but what people fail to realize it that you have to set the standard before you can expect it to be met.

From my perspective a lot of people don't set standards in relationships because they are afraid. Some people desperately want to be in a relationship and they fear that setting a standard will eliminate their options leaving them all alone. Some people have their eye on "The One" or are already in a relationship with someone they think is "The One." These people fear that they will lose that special person because they won't be down for a relationship with boundaries and standards. Other people fear being ridiculed by their peers and so they follow the trends to fit in. In all of these situations the negative relational cycles are being perpetuated to no end. In order to stop these cycles a standard needs to be set and people need to hold each other accountable for how they behave in relationships.

People who doubt their worth struggle to set standards and boundaries in relationships with others. They feel that they are not good enough to place those kind of expectations on others. They take it personally when they lose relationships as a result of setting standards. They think the loss is a reflection of something negative inside of them. Let's end that today. Each and every person in this world has worth and they have the right to put expectations on the people who they engage with. In the same token others have the right to decline to abide by your set standards. Understand that a rejection of standards is not a reflection of the person who set them, it exposes a flaw in either the person rejecting or the relationship in itself. Maybe the relationship isn't as strong as you thought. Maybe the relationship isn't worth it to that person. Setting standards weeds out the weak people and relationships making room for strong and healthy ones. Setting standards gets rid of people who don't recognize your worth and opens the door for the ones who will see it and honor it. 

I used fidelity and cheating as an example for the sake of this post but understand that setting standards applies to so many facets of relationships. From time, to money, to communication and many others.Also, it doesn't apply simply to romantic relationships, but to any relationship you find yourself in. Setting standards creates structure, it allows you to communicate your needs and wants to the other person. It helps you hold them accountable for how they treat you and it highlights whether they are capable of being the person you deserve in the relationship.

This is just my perspective on setting standards in relationships. What do you think? Am I out of my mind or right on target? Do you set standards in your relationships? How? And how does that work for you? I want to hear from you so feel free to leave a comment below. Thank for stopping by, hope you make it back again.

"Let us be sensitive about setting high standards for life, love, creativity, and wisdom. If our expectations in these areas are low, we are not likely to experience wellness. Setting high standards makes every day and decade worth looking forward to."~ Greg Anderson

Know Your Worth: I Challenge You!

Developing a healthy sense of self worth is no easy task. It's not like you go to bed one night and wake up owning your worth. A healthy sense of self worth is something that has to be worked at, cultivated, and developed. It takes work. Over time you (or others) have taught you that you are not good enough, that you are less than. This was not something that happened because of one incident or circumstance. Over time you were exposed to situations that confirmed the negative message that maintained your negative sense of self. I am going to give some suggestions of things that you can do to undo that work and change the way you view yourself. With this consistency is key. Remember, you are training your brain to think differently and therefore when there is a lapse you set yourself back and instead of building from where you left off you have to re-do work that you've already done. Also, you are changing your brain and the way you think, it won't happen over night; but, if you make an honest effort you will begin to notice change. Don't believe me just watch! I challenge you!

1. Make A List

• Right now you don't see yourself as worthy because of how you view yourself. You view yourself through your faults, your difficulties, your weaknesses (which we all have by the way). So this is what you need to do, get a piece of paper and pen and list all your positives, everything good about you. From the way you look, to your personality and your accomplishments; make a list as long as you can that brags about you. If you are having trouble making a list, talk to some people (GOOD PEOPLE) and ask them what are some positives about you. Think back on the things that people have said about you over time. Things like "You have a nice smile," "You're intelligent," "You think well on your feet," ect. Spend a good amount of time on your list. Put your list up somewhere where you can see it on a daily basis (Examples: On your refrigerator, next to your mirror, on your nightstand) and let it serve as a constant reminder that you are worth it!
• Take It A Step Further: I hope your list is nice and long. Take things a step further by choosing the top five things on your list and write them on an index card. Carry this index card with you and whenever you feel your worth depleting, whenever someone tries to rob you of your worth, whenever you stop believing the positive and start harping on the negatives; take a look at that card and remember your worth!

2. Say It

• Don't just talk about it be about it. Remember when I said we are changing the way we think, one way to speed up the process is to speak the truths we are teaching ourselves to accept. For this task you need to identify one or multiple mantras. A mantra is simply a statement that you repeat over and over. You can either look up mantras (google is your friend) or create your own, but they should speak to your worth. For example, the most obvious mantra is "I am worth it." But you can also choose specific mantras like "I am beautiful," "I deserve the best that life has to offer," "I can do this," ect., ect. You can pick one mantra or several but everyday you say this mantra at least once. It's best to do it first thing in the morning to motivate you for the rest of the day. You can say the mantra once or as many times as you want. You can say one mantra or multiple. Get creative, it's your journey. I firmly believe in this practice. I believe that words have the power and we can literally speak life or death. I believe that by speaking positivity and hope each morning you have the ability to impact the remainder of your day.

3.Know Your Bullies

• So, our first step was to identify our positives, and just as it's important to know our positives it's also important to know our negatives as well. Negatives in this sense being the messages that contribute to our low sense of self worth. This will be unique for each and every one of us; it can be related to our appearance, personality, or ability to achieve. Think about all the times you feel worthless, useless, and unsuccessful and what was happening at that time. Is there a specific person that makes you feel that way? Do you feel worthless in class or at work? In a relationship? Once you identify those specific situations or thoughts that contribute to the negative feelings now we can challenge them. As you enter into those situations, encounter those people, start reflecting on your positive messages; start reciting your mantras, pull out your Top 5 index card. In order to train your brain to think differently you have to act almost instantaneously, at least at first. Once this becomes the norm you won't need the index card, your brain will automatically jump in on its own and shut the negative messages down. But, it takes practice at first, it takes work to overcome your present way of thinking.

4.Cut It Out

•  Sometimes we send ourselves the negative messages that decrease our sense of self worth but oftentimes those messages come from other places as well. I will go into greater depth about this in another post but some examples are other people, the music we listen to, the shows we watch and the celebrities we follow. Once we identify these sources we need to get rid of them. It's hard and sometimes impossible to completely cut people out of our lives but if someone's words and actions are detrimental to our sense of self worth we need to significantly reduce the time we spend with them. Stop watching certain shows or going certain places. It's hard at first but remember, we are re-wiring out brains and overtime the sacrifices we make will be appreciated as we begin to see ourselves as worth it!

I challenge you to put these suggestions to the test. Give an honest effort for at least 6 months and see if you notice any change in yourself, the way you think and feel. I bet you won't be the only one who notices the change, I bet those around you will see it too!

"If you have a positive attitude and constantly strive to give your best effort, eventually you will overcome your immediate problems and find that you are ready for greater challenges" ~ Pat Riley

Know Your Worth: Know the Signs

Source: Dreamstime.com

The first step in creating positive self-worth is acknowledging that you have a low sense of self worth. For some the signs are obvious and dots are easy to connect, other signs don't point directly to self worth but they are still a burden to bear. Let's highlight some direct and indirect signs of low self worth.

Thinking Negatively About Self

• Every single one of us has faults, myself included, but we also have strengths as well. A healthy and well balanced person is aware of their strengths as well as their weaknesses and is always looking towards growth and forward progress. A person with low self worth is constantly criticizing themselves. In their eyes the negatives grossly outweigh the positives. They are their own worst critic. Instead of working to overcome their faults, they choose to swim in a pool of self pity and doubt. They are stuck in a mindset that they are no good and trapped in a pattern of self destruction.

In-congruence of Self

• What does this mean? Basically that the "you" that is presented to others doesn't match the true "you." This can be seen in character traits. For example, someone may present in public as rough, tough, and unbreakable but their true self is soft, caring, and emotional. The in-congruence can also be evident in the decisions that we make. For example, someone who always gives in to what others wants from them, even in times when it is appropriate for them to put themselves first. A person with low self worth is not confident in who they truly are so they become someone else in order to feel more confident, they become the person they feel is worthy when in actuality who they are is good enough.

Relationship Woes

• How many of use find ourselves in same relationship over and over again. I don't mean with the same person; what I'm referring to is we constantly find ourselves in the same situation constantly wondering how we got here...AGAIN! It's true that we attract what we project. If we feel low about ourselves, if we have a negative self worth, we will project that and others will pick up on it whether consciously or unconsciously. Oftentimes people with low self worth attract people who lack confidence and use the one with low self worth to validate themselves. This only adds to the negative cycle that strips you of your worthiness. If you find yourself constantly in bad relationships; it's possible that regardless of your experience, All Men and All Women are not    (Fill in the blank here)   . It is possible that it is time to stop looking outward an looking inside in order to create a different experience. 

Stuck in an Undesired Situation

• When you can recognize that you're at a place you don't want to be but never take any steps to move out of that place, it is possible that you have a low sense of self worth. Those with a low sense of self worth do not believe that they are deserving of the best that life has for them. They are content with settling for less that what they are worthy of. They become comfortable with what is mediocre instead of striving for what is excellent. They begin to unknowingly self-sabotage so that they can remain where they are. This may be a dead-end job, an unhealthy relationship, or just a failure to experience the best that life has to offer.

These are just a few indicators that point to a low sense of self worth. There are definitely others that can be added and of course, experiencing any one of these is not a direct indicator that one has a poor self worth. Signs point you in a direction but it is up to you to follow the signs to understand the end destination.

I hope this has been as helpful for you as it has been for me. Trust me when I say I have learned so much just through typing this and I am so exited to continue bringing you content on this topic.

Let Me Know: What are some other signs that we can add to this list? How do you personally determine if you or someone you know is struggling with poor self worth?

Coming Up: The Challenge!

"Your perspective in life comes from the cage you were held hostage in"~ Shannon L. Adler

When the Diagnosis is the Problem

One of my wonderful Facebook friends shared this simple yet thought provoking video about giving children psychiatric diagnoses. I started to re-post the video with a very looooong caption but then I remembered, that's why I have this outlet. For those that don't know, the letters on the t-shirts of the children in this video represent mental health diagnoses. The diagnoses are given based on symptoms that the child exhibits over a certain amount of time. More information about these diagnoses can be found through researching the DSM, which is the manual containing all mental health diagnoses for children and adults.
I'm sad to say that far too often in my line of work I am witness to the issue displayed in this video. On a daily basis I work with children and teenagers who have been labeled with diagnoses that follow them throughout the rest of their lives. From my perspective I feel that the quickness with which the diagnosis is given doesn't match the lifetime stigma that some carry. I believe that at times diagnoses get thrown out to appease complaining parents who are looking for a quick fix for troublesome behavior. Other times diagnoses are given because of faulty systems. In some cases the only way that a child can receive the supportive services that they need, is for them to be given a diagnoses. This is only followed by a medication prescription that may be unnecessary or too extreme. But the issue can be even deeper that this.
This issue with the diagnosis being the problem is also reflective of how we take advantage of certain groups of people. For example, earlier I shared that some parents are looking for a quick fix for their children's behaviors. If these parents lack a solid mental health education they can agree to and accept a diagnosis that is more of a hindrance than a help. Some low income families can not afford the high cost of outside mental health services and as I stated earlier in some cases the right mental health diagnosis can guarantee these services. If we look at gender, at times males and females can present with the same behaviors; but the males are more likely to be seen as "the problem" and given a diagnosis. Race also plays a role. I have seen white and black children with similar behaviors, both given a diagnosis, but a different diagnosis. One more favorable than the other. For example, our society has come to accept the ADD* and ADHD* diagnoses. I see a greater number of professionals who are more willing to deal with these diagnoses than diagnoses such as ODD* and Conduct Disorder (CD). Consequently I see white youths being diagnosed with ADHD and ADD and black youths diagnosed as ODD and Conduct Disorder. I also see more youths who are involved with law enforcement being labeled ODD or CD early on. This confirms what we see in  our reality; males from low income, Black families being repeat offenders in our criminal system.
In spite of what may seem like a negative trend, there is hope! We as a society have to take back the labels that we are stigmatizing our children with. We are all unique and how we act and behave are signs of our uniqueness. We have to highlight and encourage the positives in the behaviors that are often deemed negative. For example, I had a professor when I was in grad school who had a son who had been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD). The name itself is negative, suggesting that one diagnosed with this disorder has a "deficit." Instead of ascribing to this description my professor labeled his son as having Attention in Different Directions (ADD). The description can have a negative connotation but it can also be used to direct the child in a positive direction though embracing the behaviors instead of stigmatizing them. As most parents can attest to there is no easy way to raising children. Sometimes these diagnoses can be a quick fix but fail to accurately address the true issues. Some of the symptoms that accompany the diagnoses can be treated holistically or behaviorally. But these methods take time, consistency, and attention while they can eliminate the debilitating label that accompanies a diagnoseis.
I have to end by saying that all psychiatrists, medications, and diagnoses are not bad nor do they have poor intentions. There are many who benefit through understanding behaviors through the context of a mental health diagnosis. There are some who have issues with chemicals in the brain which medication can help treat. The issue is that overuse can sometimes make a good thing ineffective. When too many children are diagnosed then the diagnosis doesn't hold much weight. Everyone looks at the children through the lens of their diagnosis instead of for who they are in addition to the behaviors that warrant a diagnoses. 

These are jut my thoughts on children and mental health diagnoses. What are your thoughts? How do you see it? Agree or Disagree I would like to know! Thanks for stopping by and come back in two weeks for the next post.

"One must have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star"~Friedrich Nietzsche

*ADHD= Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

*ADD=Attention Deficit Disorder

*ODD= Oppositional Defiant Disorder

We Are All Human: Lessons From Steve Harvey's Mistake

Source: CNN.com

If you're like me the Miss Universe Pageant came and went without you even batting an eye. I rarely get on social media but I just happened to get on the day after the pageant and then I realized I must have missed something. There were posts all over the place discussing Steve Harvey's incredible mistake. If you don't know by now, he mixed up the name of the winner of the pageant, causing the wrong country to be named the winner. When he recognized his mistake minutes later, he came back out, acknowledged his wrong, and the correct country was named the winner. Now I will admit this was a significant mistake and if I was a Colombian (the wrongly named Miss Universe) I would be heated; but where I stand amazed is how everyone else responded to it. People reacted like Steve Harvey made the worst mistake in life, or like he did it in such a horrifying way. I believe there is a lesson to be learned from this whole situation.

We live in a society where perfection is the expectation when the reality is that we are all human. Now don't get me wrong, I think that we should all strive to be perfect in everything we do, no matter what the outcome, but we have to know that the probability of us batting 100 each and every time is slim to none. It's not about not making a mistake but instead the lessons learned from the mistake and how we use the lessons to make ourselves better for the future. Let's break down how Steve Harvey handled his blunder.

1. He acknowledged his mistake
Reports state that the moment Steve Harvey recognized that he made a mistake he was honest about it. He could've easily let the competition proceed like nothing happened but he made his human error known. When you make a mistake, own up to it. Trying to hide it doesn't work, what's done in the dark eventually comes to the light. The first step in correcting a mistake is acknowledging what happened.
2. He took the steps to correct his mistake
As soon as Steve Harvey confirmed his mistake he walked back out onto the stage and let everyone know what happened, and he announced the correct winner. Sometimes when we make a mistake we have the option to leave the mess for someone else to clean up, we can let someone else bear the brunt of the embarrassment and shame. That is taking the low road. No matter how hard it is, or how much time it takes, when we make a mistake we have to put the work in to make it right.
3. He took responsibility for his role in the mistake
Steve Harvey was not hesitant to highlight what he did wrong. He could've blamed the organization for how they printed the card, he could've blamed his nerves, or a number of other things. Instead he made it clear that the fault was on him. Just like it's easy to place the burden of the "clean up" on someone else, it's incredibly easy to place the responsibility elsewhere as well. But, when we do this, the mistake is never truly corrected, the spotlight turns to the wrong source, and the true issue is never addressed. As hard as it may seem, owning up to our wrongs is essential in correcting any mistake.
4.He apologized
I'm sorry is only seven letters long but when it is heartfelt and honest it bears the weight of the world. Steve Harvey is a celebrity with a great deal of fame and notoriety. In this role it is easy to walk away from a situation like this without a care in the world, knowing that another situation will come. In spite of this Steve Harvey still made it a priority to make his apology heard. Whether people are looking for it or not, when we are wrong we have to apologize. This is the closure that is needed to end the process of correcting the mistake, whether it is accepted or not. Without doing this, all of the previous steps are null and void.   

As a result of going through this process, Steve Harvey was offered a multi-year deal hosting the Miss Universe Pageant. I would like to think that the organization saw him as a human, fully capable of making mistakes, and that instead of penalizing him for it they honored his ability to do what most of us cannot, make the wrong right. There have been countless memes aimed at humiliating Steve Harvey and highlighting his mistake. I think that instead of making him the clown we should make him the hero. Human enough to make an error and human enough to acknowledge, correct, own, and apologize for his mistake.

"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new"~ Albert Einstein